tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11369048825408605392024-02-19T22:15:45.668-06:00Chasing The AssonWalking the crossroads of priesthood.Urbanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06019262251107123583noreply@blogger.comBlogger81125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1136904882540860539.post-35803702989755722162016-11-26T15:58:00.001-06:002016-11-26T17:22:35.324-06:00The Times, They Are a-Changin’<p>While I understand people encounter writer’s block, I often laugh it off, like I’m knocking on wood. It doesn’t affect me, I won’t give it power. <p>Every time I have thought of picking up the laptop to write, post traumatic brain injury (TBI): my wife’s, not mine, I shudder. The last three posts were related to it, and I can’t seem to get beyond that. It was traumatic, not just to her, but also to me. I struggle to take/make time for myself and get out of constant caregiving [hibernation] mode. The injury made me hypersensitive to her needs, and getting out of that mode is more difficult an adjustment that I would have believed possible. Maybe it’s just age and an empty-nest syndrome without ever having had kids. <p>I’ve also resisted believing things are better. I feel if I acknowledge how much better she is, and she’s practically all better, something will slide and my expectations will be let down, instead of constantly amazed like they are now. The migraines are almost non-existent at this point; they were almost constant for 3 years. I can’t even imagine a world where my head hurt that much for that long. She’s starting to be able to handle places with people: coffee shops, restaurants; this is a gradual re-introduction. She can’t drive yet. <a name='more'></a> <p>So that leads me to being in a place where I can take more time for myself and reconnect with the world at large. It leaves me time to take back my hobbies, interests and other aspects of my life that were put on hold by me. But when I see the posts I made on the TBI, I freeze. <p>In the coming months, I have a lot to say and will be saying it. The election, the issues in our society, they all are pushing me to write more. To say something and after that, do something. <p>My life is awaking to many changes: personally, socially, geographically and professionally. A momentum is starting that will take us to new and different places. Change can be painful, it takes us out of our comfort zones, but it can also be fun. I’m looking forward to the changes. My next 4 years are going to be busy just trying to keep up with all that’s coming. <p>Occasionally, when someone finds out I’ve been married for 21 years; they ask me what the secret is. My stock reply: how your relationship adapts to change. People don’t stay still … it’s time to move.</p>Urbanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06019262251107123583noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1136904882540860539.post-41558404420613376082015-06-06T13:53:00.001-05:002015-06-06T14:09:20.735-05:00I Was … Delayed<p>Today is the second anniversary since Saumya’s traumatic brain injury (TBI). Two years ago she received an accidental bump to the head causing damage to the left side of her noggin. You may have noticed a lapse in regularity and frequency of my writing. I’m sorry, it’s not you; it’s me.</p> <p>It has been a challenging two years. Not only has it had its share of health issues for us to deal with: constant migraines, nausea, seizures (thank God they’re over), various sensitivities, countless hospital visits, on and on; but it has changed the course of our lives. During that week two years ago in 2013 Saum was filling out her paperwork to Harvard Divinity School for a PhD program. We were to move to Boston this summer. Those plans are now scuttled. In the last two years we have: been out see to one movie, had two outings with our group of friends, been on one trip involving an airplane that didn’t go well and she’s been to restaurants maybe twice. My only regret: we were getting to know some new family in the Twin Cities which I haven’t seen much of since. But this has been more of a challenge for her as I have not had many of these restrictions.</p> <a name='more'></a> <p>We both need a vacation and we’re struggling to find a single-hop plane trip to someplace with swimmable ocean water that’s not too hot, not too cold, not too crowded but just right. Portland keeps coming up and neither of us has ever been to Oregon.</p> <p>This fall will be our 20th wedding anniversary. We had one hell of a wedding party – complete with noise complaints from the two surrounding hotels. Taking stock over these last 20 years, it’s interesting to see who has remained in our group of friends and who hasn’t. In the past two years alone, we have lost most of our friends <a title="Good Men Project: One of My Own" href="http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/one-of-my-own-gmp/" target="_blank">due to a nasty divorce</a> to the point where our circle is now very small. Life carries on. New ones will hopefully take their place.</p> <p>In these past two years I have started many posts, abandoned all but two or three. Many I have tried to share what’s been going on, only to feel I was delving too far into private issues I won’t betray. Started, abandoned, started, abandoned, that cycle happened many times.</p> <p>I will try to fill in some blanks about my life with other posts. I’ve been taking care of things needing attention, holding down the fort, trying to keep things going and serving the spirits through my work with her and others. This is a re-christening; a renewal to re-start writing. Ashe.</p> Urbanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06019262251107123583noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1136904882540860539.post-73032919822526308612013-09-01T16:38:00.001-05:002015-01-02T21:25:52.466-06:00Two Songs for Saumya<object width="250" height="40" classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" id="gsSong841975367" name="gsSong841975367"><param name="movie" value="http://grooveshark.com/songWidget.swf" /><param name="wmode" value="window" /><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always" /><param name="flashvars" value="hostname=grooveshark.com&songID=8419753&style=metal&p=0" /><object type="application/x-shockwave-flash" data="http://grooveshark.com/songWidget.swf" width="250" height="40"><param name="wmode" value="window" /><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always" /><param name="flashvars" value="hostname=grooveshark.com&songID=8419753&style=metal&p=0" /><span><a href="http://grooveshark.com/search/song?q=The%20Afghan%20Whigs%20The%20Slide%20Song" title="The Slide Song by The Afghan Whigs on Grooveshark">The Slide Song by The Afghan Whigs on Grooveshark</a></span></object></object> <p> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="4" width="190" align="left" border="0"><tbody> <tr> <td valign="top" width="188"> <p align="center"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhj8ISoimb1-XGvswIMc4h9f46_GQfNuxXm4N-zfT_guWtRda0mC9DqtJIcTvBUIrAaWGI2YbXIfsKxfYDcBGERp_OrqHOsRciDR1_KJmVob8ORmie5seHQ-nVf-0ZJYKUmFxNK9FhBe6BR/s1600-h/Dark%252520River%252520Farm%252520101%25255B7%25255D.jpg"><img title="Dark River Farm 101" style="border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; background-image: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; float: left; padding-top: 0px; padding-left: 0px; display: inline; padding-right: 0px; border-top-width: 0px" border="0" alt="Dark River Farm 101" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUcOYO0K7RwshHq8pzVkBxZy42c1nquq0Uz_5keNqCL5WNCPFzlKRjRgPtJC46LOXp2BjKs9mGo_KRN966j4vU4l7dZKFZMXlVrWJkKxOeA7qnfaSu21R-O_nuCniDIxSZYx2u9Ifv_6Nk/?imgmax=800" width="184" align="left" height="244" /></a><font size="1">Saumya</font></p> </td> </tr> </tbody></table> People keep asking me how I’m doing dealing with my concussed wife. Thank you very much. I’m doing fine myself, really. Gone is the anger of the past, anger at the disease of <a title="Chasing The Asson: The Uninvited Guest" href="http://www.chasingtheasson.com/2011/10/uninvited-guest.html" target="_blank">Endo</a>, which is particularly hard to deal with. Pain is tough, and it wears a person down, the person going through it and those around them.</p> <p>That’s not to say it’s all love and roses. It is extremely difficult to see <a title="Chasing The Asson: The Woman That I Love" href="http://www.chasingtheasson.com/2011/07/woman-that-i-love.html" target="_blank">the woman I love</a>, going through one of the most difficult times of her life: when her brain checks out. With that, I have two songs that help me cope: The Afghan Whigs: The Slide Song and The National: About Today. Both are likely about break ups or more specifically drifting apart, neither of which we are going through, but the distance is real. When Saum checks out, when the headache gets bad and confusion and amnesia set in, we are distant. I reach for her, I hold her – I love her, but she’s just – gone!</p> <a name='more'></a> <p>This is the hardest thing about coping with this. Unlike the anger of the past, I am filled with love: love, longing and desire. I want to hold this woman of mine and through the sheer force of my will, bring her back to me.</p> <p>She always comes back; sometimes it takes medication and a cold pack, a nap or sleep for the night. Often on these nights I collapse with just a few precious hours of sleep myself, before I have to return to my life, my work, house chores, taking care of things.</p> <p>Many of our family and friends have reached out and offered help and support. It’s difficult to accept – not due to pride about my abilities or shame about the situation, but because one who has not seen their sister/daughter/aunt or friend in so long wants to understand, to reconnect, and to share their lives and all that has happened since this spring and the injury. The difficulty of allowing this help is that very reconnecting, conversation and activity aggravates the situation. That much brain activity makes the headaches get worse, the confusion set in, the amnesia and in the worst of times, motor skills fail – she just slips away from me.</p> <p>So we are careful. We limit conversations, too much critical thinking, ideas and planning. We limit visits and phone calls, email, reading! I’m sorry, I know everyone just wants to help, but in this situation the best help is giving her space to heal. </p> <p>When Saum is distant, it’s scary. For the most part, we’re making it past <a title="Chasing The Asson: What’s my name?" href="http://www.chasingtheasson.com/2013/07/whats-my-name.html" target="_blank">What’s my name?</a> Her situation is improving, week by week, day by day. It’s slow, but steady progress. There is therapy of many different kinds, activities that exclude movies, TV, reading or even music. That’s right; there is no music in our lives (together) right now. It’s so central to whom we are, what we enjoy together. So for that, I offer two songs. The songs that help me cope and deal with this, songs that repeat blasting loudly while I drive down the road alone, songs in my head when I’m with her but am alone: two songs for Saumya.</p> <p>My wife is the most beautiful, sexy person I know. Our marriage hasn’t always been steady, but though this I am. I am the one thing that remains when memories fail, I hold onto her as her beacon back. And she does come back. In a few more months this will be a memory. At least for me, gaps for her. In the meantime, I have my songs, and the woman I love.</p> <object width="250" height="40" classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" id="gsSong3529720897" name="gsSong3529720897"><param name="movie" value="http://grooveshark.com/songWidget.swf" /><param name="wmode" value="window" /><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always" /><param name="flashvars" value="hostname=grooveshark.com&songID=35297208&style=metal&p=0" /><object type="application/x-shockwave-flash" data="http://grooveshark.com/songWidget.swf" width="250" height="40"><param name="wmode" value="window" /><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always" /><param name="flashvars" value="hostname=grooveshark.com&songID=35297208&style=metal&p=0" /><span><a href="http://grooveshark.com/search/song?q=The%20National%2FThe%20National%20About%20Today" title="About Today by The National/The National on Grooveshark">About Today by The National/The National on Grooveshark</a></span></object></object> Urbanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06019262251107123583noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1136904882540860539.post-65836947853331080772013-07-09T23:23:00.001-05:002013-07-23T18:03:30.724-05:00What’s my name?<p>What’s my name? It sounds like a philosophical question; something existential. It has taken on new meaning for me.</p> <p>Where are we? I’m not asking because I don’t know, or am trying to divine a meaning, but it’s a repeated question.</p> <p>Saum has a <a title="Mayo Clinic: Concussion" href="http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/concussion/DS00320" target="_blank">concussion</a>. Sometimes she’s getting better; sometimes there is a slide backwards. She will forget events, names of people and pets, what room she’s in. This is scary, mostly for her, but anytime the memory goes it’s also scary for me. Today, <a title="nsomniasaum: There’s That Dog Again" href="http://nsomniasaum.blogspot.com/2013/07/theres-that-dog-again.html" target="_blank">she couldn’t remember the name of our dog, Barnabas</a>. We made a sign for her to remember.</p> <a name='more'></a> <p>Sleep seems to help, but not always. There’s no one clear sign for her to revert back or to heal, but lots of heavy thinking: computer time, books, conversations with many people – will often propel her backwards. Our Alpha Stim machine helps clear her head. It’s bigger cousin, the Accuoscope seems to make things better – a lot better. We are having a hard time getting access to one.</p> <p>I love my wife. She’s brilliant, a 4.0 student at Harvard University. Earlier in the week that this occurred, she started filling out her PhD paperwork; we were planning a spring ‘14 graduation with her BA (called an AB there). It’s hard for her to write now without jumbling words and sentences up. </p> <p>She is getting better.</p> <p>It’s slow, this progress, with back and forth moments. How can I tell, other major symptoms are leaving, but the memory loss is my most difficult to cope with. I’m lucky, she almost always remembers me. We’ve known each other almost 20 years.</p> <p>Tomorrow is her birthday, her 42nd. We’ve had a party every year, but this year we’re not. We celebrate birthdays, no matter how old we get. It’s sad this year <a title="nsomniasaum: Celebrate My Birthday: Do Something For Yourself" href="http://nsomniasaum.blogspot.com/2013/07/celebrate-my-birthday-do-something-for.html" target="_blank">it will be missed</a> – or postponed at least.</p> <p>I love writing, but this year I’ve been too busy; busy taking care of her, of others, of everyone. I had all these ideas of what being a priest would mean. This year, I’m too busy being one to do anything else. I had no idea. We both keep saying that: no matter what we thought it would be, we had no idea.</p> <p>This year I did join a band. I’m the lead singer in a punk band. I’m keeping this up. It’s funny, but that music in particular is the release I need.</p> <p>Sorry for the lack of writing. Sorry for not going more in-depth. It’s been a crazy year, just like I knew it would. The spirits told me on New Year’s Eve. I sat in a theatre with friends and I just knew these things were going to happen, not exactly these things, but how hard it was going to be. That realization hit me like a live wire; now here I am.</p> <p>What’s my name? “You’re Urban,” she answers. I am, and this year I’m finding out just who Urban is, who I am becoming.</p> Urbanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06019262251107123583noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1136904882540860539.post-41546129252631209632013-04-04T08:04:00.001-05:002013-07-23T18:01:27.871-05:00Feel the Pain<p>The best quote I heard last week, “this Vodou stuff isn’t for pussies.” Thanks Mambo, I needed that. My solace, the song that’s gotten me through this period is Dinosaur Jr’s Feel The Pain. (Best video ever.)</p> <div id="scid:5737277B-5D6D-4f48-ABFC-DD9C333F4C5D:4916f084-36cc-4cd9-b30c-ecc1a0675528" class="wlWriterEditableSmartContent" style="float: none; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-left: 0px; margin: 0px; display: inline; padding-right: 0px"><div id="95c1434e-baaf-4823-a8f3-7675dab66291" style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; display: inline;"><div><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Osi46o7Wuw8" target="_new"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidenmBS19B0YxzsVCWXXSN8i5mZKwL10eJv5ASfPTJCJkDiyFPQTIBBuXbqAPBYOiIY4uXmd4a0CWKyjvm7WiyXhWzyiB20yHh79__HZVAz6xFmwqq2hf7dg58v6EzZnxfGe2y0uXm55Iv/?imgmax=800" style="border-style: none" galleryimg="no" onload="var downlevelDiv = document.getElementById('95c1434e-baaf-4823-a8f3-7675dab66291'); downlevelDiv.innerHTML = "<div><object width=\"480\" height=\"360\"><param name=\"movie\" value=\"http://www.youtube.com/v/Osi46o7Wuw8?hl=en&hd=1\"><\/param><embed src=\"http://www.youtube.com/v/Osi46o7Wuw8?hl=en&hd=1\" type=\"application/x-shockwave-flash\" width=\"480\" height=\"360\"><\/embed><\/object><\/div>";" alt=""></a></div></div><div style="width:480px;clear:both;font-size:.8em">Dinosaur Jr.–Feel the Pain</div></div> <p>On New Year’s Eve I had dinner with friends, and then we went to Heart of the Beast for an amazing New Year’s celebration. Everyone was having a great time, but something in me was off – amiss. I just couldn’t get into the festive mood. A feeling was there, something was going to happen and it wasn’t going to be good. A few days later the trouble began.</p> <a name='more'></a> <p>I haven’t been writing; there’s a reason. Crisis upon crisis has landed upon our home. At least we’ve been fortunate they happened serially and not simultaneously. I’m not going to go into the details of what has happened or when. It’s just kept me from writing or feeling like writing.</p> <p>A few weeks ago, we lost a horse to colic. Styx has been a part of our family as long as we’ve lived in the country. She’s the reason we moved out. I have a hard time remembering my life before her. I’ve spent the last two years doing most of my training upon her back. She will be missed until my dying days.</p> <p>I’ve written a bit about our horses, but it’s hard to explain what they become. There is a strong spiritual connection between horse and rider. Horses are herd animals. They have a sense that ranges far beyond them. It’s the field of energy you feel when someone hovers their hand over you without touching. You’re aware that it’s there. With horses that field extends a great distance. It’s their danger detection warning. If they spook, you feel it like a shock just standing nearby. </p> <p>When you ride you’re in it, a part of it. When your riding gets good the communication is part of that subtle field. When I say you become close, what I’m really saying is you become intimate. If you don’t, you senses are pretty closed off.</p> <p>Losing Styx is like losing a part of yourself. It hurts. You don’t get used to the loss. She’s been Saum’s close companion for years. </p> <p>Writing is in my blood. I type faster than I write. I compose with thoughts to hands to keyboard. I miss it. Readers, you have my apology for not keeping up with the writing. I’ll be back soon. With plenty of surprises and many pent up ideas waiting to hit the page.</p> <p>This year started with a feeling. I knew it would be difficult; it’s turning out to be. This year is full of change. Change is hard, but it also can be very good. It’s difficult to get through, but I signed up for this. This Vodou stuff isn’t for pussies. I’m not going to act like one, but hang with Ogou. I’m marching through this getting stronger day by day.</p> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="4" width="240" border="0"><tbody> <tr> <td valign="top" width="240"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZ5SY_4c2rIKfvPjjFwANhvuS0TG48WdC7lpQobH8x4-X8Orl5ZmmOBaRamepnfb7TXDodAAF4L68me0E4qVuRjt7sYeBwgg-eyDIrS0wPdyDxkz5Oo2riL71-XcyVGGJ2Zk_egKcjNiNu/s1600-h/IMG_0334%25255B3%25255D.jpg"><img title="IMG_0334" style="border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; background-image: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-left: 0px; display: inline; padding-right: 0px; border-top-width: 0px" border="0" alt="IMG_0334" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheQ8VxaqzB9uxKNTPau3wO4IoNTyIjy1hnLVn5tzXYnHE79UDWhYob-Di7me4vpo5KrPeeZI6NQ-jQW-F6x4RIDRpaQT0voFU4LkmbjRB4jwIaL2zzPS5P05AJsWwMdj8HZ5YSSVz06PP9/?imgmax=800" width="244" height="184" /></a>Styx, rest in peace my friend.</td> </tr> </tbody></table> Urbanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06019262251107123583noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1136904882540860539.post-20824692031646608922012-12-14T17:46:00.001-06:002012-12-14T17:46:03.603-06:00A path that Really Isn’t<p>by Mauricio Quintana, 昆游龍, a.k.a. cintain</p> <p><em>Today’s guest post is by Mauricio Quintana. </em><em>Mauricio works as a practitioner of various alternative medicine techniques, but considers himself above all an explorer and student of life and the human condition. He goes by the name Cintain on various online and offline social networks, and likes to travel almost a bit too much. He can be found by following the trail of endless rant on <a title="Twitter: @cintain" href="http://twitter.com/cintain" target="_blank">twitter</a>, baited with single-malt scotch or the smile of a pretty woman, and persuaded to sing with nary an enticement. His blog can be found at <a title="http://thewanderingdragon.net/" href="http://thewanderingdragon.net/" target="_blank">thewanderingdragon.net</a>.</em></p> <h2>I. Amongst the Host of the Pretenders</h2> <p> <table border="0" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="4" width="180" align="left"><tbody> <tr> <td valign="top" width="180"> <p align="left"><img style="background-image: none; border-right-width: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; float: left; border-top-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; padding-top: 0px" title="IMG_1490" border="0" alt="IMG_1490" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaT4vyMYwtgT4hh3Ud9qZJ9Gy6q23Xtp-zgEvZJzz6_Ew7L-IBCVDFqY6tWbhtAVv5mLaZq1YFSf9CzbXFAzm9-JLSMyQSkhy2kYcqL1GVELXZOiMI_z0Bwb0K5oBG7hAsjDuAJMyQVugq/?imgmax=800" width="184" height="244" /> <br /><font size="1">Photo courtesy of Mauricio Quintana</font></p> </td> </tr> </tbody></table> The hardest part about doing the kind of work I do is keeping it real. There is literally a horde of people out there who claim to see energy, work with subtler aspects, and be in contact with a host of incorporeal entities. It is annoying. Moreover, it is pretentious. The thing that used to really drive me up the wall is the fact that, if you're into this sort of thing, there really isn't anything that you <strong>can</strong> say to refute them. After all, subtle perceptions are what they are, right? If you can't hear what the spirits are saying to me, surely you can't hear them at all, and then you're the poser, the liar, and the quack.</p> <p>Effectiveness is another one of those "objective" measurements that become tenuous with these people. There are so many "levels", that maybe your healing has already happened and you're just too dumb to notice, too "out of touch" for it to work on you. I am continuously amazed at the followers of some of the more charismatic healers out there. It isn't so much that they're getting "better" as that they are becoming more capable of aligning themselves with the vision and speech of their leader. </p> <p> <table border="0" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="4" width="240" align="right"><tbody> <tr> <td valign="top" width="240"> <p align="right"><img style="background-image: none; border-right-width: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; float: right; border-top-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; padding-top: 0px" title="IMG_1744" border="0" alt="IMG_1744" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjo6u0eQa9qY7dOznXhEJ2n2zer8YoMYZzMF76sE-PXCCheM6bNQUAQwJ0YS8GzMw7WWxm205c_13tRAHD8qBPQGOic-HTvQqOIHgamGHgpWvmrB6FQ_XEXNEg3nBIce5LOxsnrcC7ny1WD/?imgmax=800" width="244" height="184" /> <br /><font size="1">Photo courtesy of Mauricio Quintana</font></p> </td> </tr> </tbody></table> The trappings of this work are so alluring, too. Sometimes it seems that the more feathers, bones, medallions, wristbands, and stridently-coloured dress on a person, the more powerful and effective their mojo. The styles vary with lineage, teacher, and tradition, but "badges" are more important with some of these clowns than with the military. </p> <a name='more'></a> <p>This is why I usually don't talk about what I do. However, my friend and brother <a title="Twitter: @urbananimal" href="http://twitter.com/urbananimal" target="_blank">@urbananimal</a> has asked me in a pretty compelling way to retell some of my experiences, and in so doing I've discovered that there is actually quite a bit to talk about. Take it, dear reader, with a kilo of salt and toss it out the window. It should at best make for entertaining reading. You've been warned. </p> <h2>II. Of Clowns and Holy Men</h2> <p>The very first experience I had along this path was, to put it mildly, a blast. It. Completely. Blew. My. Mind. Singing, dancing, endless roller-coasters, pretty colours, the works. God was there, too, I think. I came away the next morning feeling like I'd been reborn, and breakfast that morning tasted like nothing I've ever eaten before or since. It was to be the first of many such transformations. I understood why the Native Americans call people who do this "Holy Men". </p> <p>So, what did I do after that? Nothing. I spent the next four years of my life sitting on my ass, feeling sorry for myself, and trying to live life the way I had been told it should be lived. I still have the journal entry for the day when I wrote about the experience. I re-read it constantly, but couldn't see how it connected with my life in any way. </p> <p>A few years later, I fell in with a bunch of people who were doing this sort of thing. Without thinking, I jumped on their bandwagon and spent a considerable amount of my spare time hanging out with them, hearing their stories, and partaking of their medicine. This time, the work was one of cleansing and healing for me. Whatever it was that I had seen the first time came back, only this time it and I had business. </p> <p>Whereas before it had made me feel enlightened, this time it made me miserable, laying bare the deepest, darkest truths about my life and pointing a bony, accusing finger at me for all the pain I'd caused to people close to me in my life up until that point. </p> <p>It hurt. A lot. I cried, and ran away from all of it as fast as I could. I spent the next few years trying to become a doctor, and repairing as best I could all the damage that I'd done. I worked with a guy who'd been a clown before he started doing healings, and he taught me not to take myself seriously. I met another guy who ran the sweat lodge and I learned so much from him, about so many things, it would take a book to recount it all. I learned from a crazy Daoist guy who was by turns brilliant and consumed by his own shadow. The one thing these three had in common was that they didn't think I was crazy when I told them about my experiences. </p> <h2>III. Wounded Healer</h2> <p>Crazy Daoist Guy warned me at one point, that in most traditions, people who do this don't elect to do so, they are "chosen". He explained that fools who go looking for this kind of thing with the pretension to learn are in for a lot more than they think, and that if by artifice of their sheer bad luck they get what they wanted, there is no going back. Ever. I remember being mildly amused by his admonition and replying something along the lines of "bring it on". </p> <p>Hoboy. </p> <p>I think that his most stern warning (and self-fulfilling prophecy, as it's turned out) was that if I decided to "become" this kind of healer, I would never be able to ignore the suffering around me. He explained to me that being in this is a pledge of sorts, to be available and "help out". It's funny how this works because it isn't a "demand". It's a selfless, knowing awareness of what is <strong>needed</strong> in any situation. The desire to help wells up from within, and it's trying to ignore it that makes things difficult. If I try to hold back, my life becomes an empty shadow made of longing and sadness. Something is just missing, so I no longer try to stop.</p> <p>Not that the alternative is any better, mind you. I am constantly being reminded that I have work of my own to do. Internal work. The kind that is deeply unsettling, exquisitely painful, and profoundly transformational. It's had me on the verge of suicide at one time. It's made me let go of my fear to being exposed and known in all my devious, scheming, cold and calculating nature. All along, I always have the sense of a presence; a knowing, witnessing <strong>something</strong> that approves, with a smile, of what is going on, especially when I am having a bad time. It's like supervision. It's like <strong>training</strong>. It's just plain weird.</p> <h2>IV. Between Faith and Spontaneity</h2> <p>As I've recounted before <a title="The Wandering Dragon" href="http://thewanderingdragon.net/" target="_blank">elsewhere</a>, three years ago my life fell apart. After I somehow picked up the pieces and got on my feet again, I was confronted with the reality of what living in the world with these gifts truly means. It would be a disservice to whatever is really going on to try and go into specifics, but what came out of it was something I don't believe I've experienced in my life ever before: Conviction.</p> <p>You see, I'm not entirely sure of what it is that I do. I help people, out of a desire in my heart that I don't fully understand, can't reliably anticipate, and never can control. Even when following all the guidelines and techniques I've received along the way, half the time I don't know what the hell I'm doing. But it makes my heart happy and my life meaningful, and it <strong>works</strong>. This is why it's so hard to keep it "real": I believe in what I do. Unlike my friend, brother and ally, <a title="Twitter: @Rogue_Priest" href="http://twitter.com/rogue_priest" target="_blank">@Rogue_Priest</a>, I don't think that it is just a working of my own feeble little rational mind (which would be pretentious), nor do I continue to secretly argue with it to explain itself in terms that I can understand (which would be a waste of time). </p> <p>No, the real danger is that I believe in what I do because of the <strong>something</strong> else that I described. The "thing" which has deigned to explain to me just very recently that it led me along this crazy journey, and will continue to do so, because I can be of service. Crazy Daoist Guy was right: we're chosen, those who carry the gift. Sometimes, we are led down the path believing that it is us looking for it, because that's the only way that our stubborn minds will consent to go down the path we need to go. The work is being done through us, not the other way around. We have one foot in this world and another somewhere else, where we mediate and plea for the greater good of the People.</p> <p>Crazy Daoist Guy said one more thing to me: the shaman advances along the journey with one foot, while the other foot stands wondering who is doing all the walking. The things we're given to do make sense only when they're given to others in a spirit of Service and Celebration, and yet, there's really nothing that any of us are "doing". Our work is nothing other than the celebration and furthering of life by ensuring its continuance. To quote Chan Po-tuan, the 11th century Daoist mystic: "Although we speak of attaining the Dao, in reality there's nothing to attain. This is it."</p> <p>This is the journey that isn't, the path that walks itself.</p> <p>It's called life, and each of us is a part of it.</p> <p>KYL</p> <table border="0" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="4" width="240" align="left"><tbody> <tr> <td valign="top" width="240"><img style="background-image: none; border-right-width: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; float: right; border-top-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; padding-top: 0px" title="IMG_1471" border="0" alt="IMG_1471" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkUOxsJv7Bt1BHYMgYqFs3D-pbSOJYem9DZxv980SnJ1fGUwrLt6Z6LldDKnOtnpGyw7mu54DJtIFwxEM5FotIPV-iFoxxeKLfUo5JjWGh4wHSVnibJaBUI4LDnXK1SwFGNgD0BRWuqm-O/?imgmax=800" width="244" height="184" /> <font size="1">Photo courtesy of Mauricio Quintana</font></td> </tr> </tbody></table> Urbanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06019262251107123583noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1136904882540860539.post-86818445862553828202012-11-30T17:00:00.000-06:002012-12-15T13:36:01.933-06:00Full-contact Religion<p>We mill about the peristyle (our temple) waiting for the ceremony. Some of us catch up on the past week, or the past weeks, since we’ve last seen each other. </p> <p>At no time in particular, the ceremony begins. Assons are rattled, the sound of bells fill the air. The drummers take up their sticks and pound out a rhythm. The singing begins. I struggle to find the song.</p> <p>At this point the Lwa (the spirits) have not come. The songs are sung the best we can. The ceremony begins like so many have begun before. We reach out.</p> <p>In me, I feel their absence. My song is not its best. It feels dry, but I carry on, responding to the call of the verses. People are slowly starting to move, but even my movements feel dry. </p> <p>We move to the rhythms.</p> <a name='more'></a> <p>Without announcement the intensity changes, the Lwa are coming. The songs gain passion, take on soul. I’m no longer singing the songs, but feeling them. My motions are no longer choreographed but driven. </p> <p>I feel the Lwa in me now.</p> <p>The assons rattle on, in unison. The ceremony is fully underway. The tide has taken us, the ceremony a life of its own. Funny how we’re considered the living, but it’s the dead that bring life to this moment. We act as one, the visible and invisible. We move, we sing, we shake. The drums complete the scenery. </p> <p>La Place makes its way around the temple. Offerings made, the veves (spiritual symbols) are now being drawn. I feel the Lwa fully; they’re carrying me to the timeless intersection of our worlds.</p> <p>All is dim in the candle light; all is filled with song, with motion. No longer swaying, hips and shoulders are moving. We are fully entranced in ceremony, the audience in unison with us.</p> <p>We sing and move as one.</p> <p>The veves outlined on the ground, the Lwa are drawn into each and every one of us. We dance around the center pole, a moving ocean of bodies with the music, the drums – the drums! </p> <p>This is the moment possession takes hold; we reach spiritual ecstasy. Which Lwa will join us? So many possibilities only the evening will say. The Lwa do come: converse with us and depart too soon. The ceremony comes to a close; I’m left feeling energized and exhausted at the same time.</p> <p>I call Vodou a full-contact religion: it seems everyone is caught up in the action, no matter their background or belief. Vodou isn’t passive, but moves you in the celebration of life. All one has to do is take part: dance to the songs, move to the rhythm. It gets into your feet, calls to your voice, moves your body filling your soul; a celebration that brings the intersection between worlds present.</p> <p>Whatever religion you practice or your spiritual beliefs; what I wish for everyone is to feel the beauty in the collective community of celebrating life as one. Moving, dancing, singing: the feeling when the spirits are with you.</p> <p>There are many religions, meditations, reflections and activities that may bring this to you. You may find it in <a title="Chasing The Asson: Does Our Intellect Detract From Spiritual Ecstasy?" href="http://www.chasingtheasson.com/2012/04/does-our-intellect-detract-from.html" target="_blank">art, research or a more secular path</a>. No matter how or where you find it, I hope you do.</p> <p>I will return, to that place I was before, that place before me and feel it again. I hope your own beliefs catch you in this wave, and carry you off to that heightened state. I’ll see you there.</p> Urbanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06019262251107123583noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1136904882540860539.post-37695863785660365712012-11-26T22:28:00.001-06:002012-11-26T22:28:19.341-06:00My Muse Has Left the Building<p> <table border="0" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="4" width="240" align="right"><tbody> <tr> <td valign="top" width="240"> <p align="right"><img style="background-image: none; border-right-width: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; float: right; border-top-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; padding-top: 0px" title="79200-Encounters in Nature by BTNewberg" border="0" alt="79200-Encounters in Nature by BTNewberg" align="right" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHHsfWYclfUir5rX5NvZSAkq1IKz7VuAA2_DFtD_mEbK0KSrNs43OEzIxz-FD74CKiS_86J0eHAuEQOE06i9sO5gipaTFiXcP3vMAsWdec3Z2yzTPzV8A4GJKW-kqhhV7Dz3QbT3EYSePA/?imgmax=800" width="244" height="184" /> <br /><font size="1">Meditation in the North Woods <br />From the ebook <em><a title="Humanistic Paganism: Encounters In Nature: Complete ebook" href="http://humanisticpaganism.com/2011/08/14/encounters-in-nature-full-length-unedited-cut-with-transcript/" target="_blank">Encounters In Nature</a></em></font><font size="1"> <br />© 2011 B.T. Newberg</font></p> </td> </tr> </tbody></table> </p> <p>Last week I sat down to write and was struck by a horrible feeling. I didn’t like where my writing was going. Nothing seemed to work. My wife and best friend Saumya suggested I go back and re-read some of my earlier pieces (for completely different reasons) – I did. I began to feel that was the cause of my funk. I like to blame things on her, but really the blockage was all me. After writing <a title="Chasing The Asson: The River is In Me" href="http://www.chasingtheasson.com/2012/11/the-river-is-in-me.html" target="_blank">The River is In Me</a>, I longed to write more like it reaching for my departed muse; all my attempts failed. </p> <p>There are some old pieces that moved me. I revisited: <a title="Chasing The Asson: Crisis of Faith" href="http://www.chasingtheasson.com/2009/06/crisis-of-faith_09.html" target="_blank">Crisis of Faith</a>, <a title="Chasing The Asson: There Is No Hell" href="http://www.chasingtheasson.com/2011/09/there-is-no-hell.html" target="_blank">There Is No Hell</a> and <a title="Chasing The Asson: My Other Family" href="http://www.chasingtheasson.com/2012/05/my-other-family.html" target="_blank">My Other Family</a>. Nothing seemed to work. I listened to <a title="Humanistic Paganism: Encounters In Nature: Complete ebook" href="http://humanisticpaganism.com/2011/08/14/encounters-in-nature-full-length-unedited-cut-with-transcript/" target="_blank">Encounters In Nature</a><em></em>, mainly because my friend <a title="昆游龍 – The Wandering Dragon" href="http://thewanderingdragon.net" target="_blank">Mauricio</a> shared his feelings on it. Did it hold some kind of mojo I could tap into? </p> <p>Replay complete: I’ve decided it’s time to take stock of how my life has changed over the past year.</p> <a name='more'></a> <p>When I encountered my <a title="Chasing The Asson: Spirituality in the North Woods" href="http://www.chasingtheasson.com/2011/08/spirituality-in-north-woods.html" target="_blank">Spirituality in the North Woods</a>, I was an Oungan <a title="Chasing The Asson: Sur Pwenn" href="http://www.chasingtheasson.com/search/label/Sur%20Pwenn" target="_blank">Sur Pwenn</a>, still finding my feet (or perhaps my head) in Vodou. How different I was then. </p> <p>The following month I initiated to <a title="Chasing The Asson: Asogwe" href="http://www.chasingtheasson.com/search/label/Asogwe" target="_blank">Asogwe</a>. My life begins to change; the spirits move me in new ways. They show me new aspects of the world beyond this one. The point where the water caresses me: they speak to me at campfires, at my altar.</p> <p> <table border="0" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="4" width="240" align="left"><tbody> <tr> <td valign="top" width="240"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiChsb-I523iUI7rL7plsSl-QiyNsvK3cPJcGmNIbq7GHQskim4K9dbQwHbGr-bZMdh4y8A6KJk4Bw_exvO3mXXExgB9uOgajUXKVZzKG-9ep2ND2p5FgCDQzTyA29Xq353V0WKHVfHmI3G/s1600-h/406972_10150668301361929_521437863_n%25255B2%25255D.jpg"><img style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; border-top: 0px; border-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px" title="406972_10150668301361929_521437863_n" border="0" alt="406972_10150668301361929_521437863_n" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgN92vN2XV84YgFaRKrJinJ6fj9G26Y0Ns02nmz1X2fCb7D89mTJDfmgz1La7jHQpAJuoUo2oOC35mnNu3oPAvgn2c6ARfVCF13lYQ0v5ZBuYh0RtcqeO3NZ2YWETi8gw59g064ejY7Hply/?imgmax=800" width="184" height="244" /></a> <br /><font size="1">Veves of a different nature <br />Photo © 2012 Urban & Saumya Haas</font></td> </tr> </tbody></table> With my trip to India I begin to see a new commonality between religions and practices. What is a veve? What does it symbolize? What do they invoke in me? How does meaning change?</p> <p>In spring another initiation – this time I facilitate; my family grows. </p> <p>In going back and listening to our words from the north woods, in reading the old posts, in the writing from the months that follow, I hear words and see meanings I swear were not there before. They take on new meanings and revelations. Those same words tell different stories. I’m not the same person I was then. If a look back a year from now, this post will look different.</p> <p>This past year has brought me god parents, a birth mother I never knew, new children and now another father – my mother is engaged to be married in January. My family grows in unforeseen ways. I am fascinated on how life can change so much in so little a time. I have new stories to tell. </p> <p>I’m still not happy with the words I’m putting down, but it needs to come out to make way for the new stuff that will follow. </p> <p>Where am I going? Forward, into the unknown, but not alone. </p> Urbanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06019262251107123583noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1136904882540860539.post-3412757318236882602012-11-12T22:50:00.001-06:002012-11-12T22:53:10.349-06:00The River Is In Me<p>Standing on the banks of the Mississippi River on the New Orleans shoreline, I stick my hand into the water to greet her. She is the Mississippi, and I know her well. After all, she’s my lover.</p> <p>The scent of her fills my nostrils. I take her into myself, filling my lungs. It’s not a fresh smell, but one of mildew, decay and memory. Her warm humid breath comforts me. She welcomes me to her, my oldest friend.</p> <p>There is a picture my mother has of me, at the age of months, less than one year old. I’m reaching for the throttle of our family boat, the Mimi III, named after my aunt. It was third in a tradition of five spanning three generations of our family. Not even old enough to speak, she was a part of my life. I grew up on boats, on her water, on the shores of Dubuque, IA. My weekdays might hold school or summer play, but she consumed my weekends. I spent countless hours riding her, swimming in her, swallowing her and eventually skiing upon her. On countless weekend nights, she would gently rock me to sleep and gently crash upon the sides of my bed.</p> <a name='more'></a> <p>Fireworks on the Fourth of July were hers. Annual trips took us through her locks, past her dams and into less explored waters. Cousins, friends, girlfriends and eventually my wife would feel her caress. </p> <p>I <a title="Chasing The Asson: Death Ahead, Detour Next Right" href="http://www.chasingtheasson.com/2010/08/death-ahead-detour-next-right.html" target="_blank">almost died</a> on the contours of her body. I scaled bluffs, walked shores, climbed bridges and jumped off a few. She’s dirty; and she rocks my world.</p> <p>I’d like to think I was drawn to the Twin Cities by a job, but she was there, reminding me of my youth. I moved to the cities that are separated by her. Today, I live upon the shore of a river that feeds her (the Crow) – slowly flowing and making its way to her, downriver to my hometown and my home away from home, NOLA. </p> <p>Wherever I am, if I come upon her shore, her waters come and caress me. She will fill my soul; I will say hello and my spirit will rise.</p> <h2>Back to NOLA</h2> <p>On this night on the shore nine days ago, I am standing next to my newest friend <a title="昆游龍 – The Wandering Dragon: About the Wandering Dragon" href="http://thewanderingdragon.net/?page_id=26" target="_blank">Mauricio</a>, my friend <a title="Rogue Priest: About" href="http://roguepriest.net/about/" target="_blank">Drew</a> a few paces away. There are homeless asleep nearby and we respectfully keep our distance while moving to the shore, giving them privacy. I say hello to her, to Agwe, to all waters that she is connected to. She responds.</p> <p>At this moment I am open; breathing her in.</p> <p>We are shouted at. NOLA’s finest is asking us to step away from the water. We retreat to talk spirituality, religion and <a title="Rogue Priest: What you do the morning you return from your grandmother’s funeral?" href="http://roguepriest.net/2012/07/19/what-you-do-the-morning-you-return-from-your-grandmothers-funeral/" target="_blank">the nature and existence of the soul</a>. At this moment there is no question in me. My soul is filled, energized and I talk with the enthusiasm of a double espresso. </p> <p>How can I explain this feeling, this sensation, this energy? I’ve known it my entire life. It is a spiritual experience I cannot deny, no matter how open I try to be to the point before me: that we have no soul. If I could share this way of being, this fulfillment that only she can give me, I would. I have stood upon mountains, have <a title="Chasing The Asson: 24 Hours On Top Of The World" href="http://www.chasingtheasson.com/2010/02/24-hours-on-top-of-world.html" target="_blank">meditated in hidden temples</a>. I have danced and sang in my Vodou temple and rubbed shoulders with the Lwa. It’s something I experience, not observe. One has to live it, it cannot be explained. I try to make my point and feel like I’ve failed. </p> <p>I try again.</p> <p>What brought me back to religion was admitting my own denial that I was having <a title="Chasing The Asson: My Other Family" href="http://www.chasingtheasson.com/2012/05/my-other-family.html" target="_blank">spiritual experiences</a>. I continue to have them. I’m having one right now, in the midst of this conversation. I admit I believe <a title="Chasing The Asson: There Is No Hell" href="http://www.chasingtheasson.com/2011/09/there-is-no-hell.html" target="_blank">there is no hell</a>, but no soul? Then who are the Lwa I speak to? </p> <p>I respect the passion and intent of the debate before me. This is truly what I live for: to question my beliefs, to question everything – to look into my conviction and ask why? Why do I believe there is a soul? Does it comfort me? Does it make me feel better about death, or a life after death? Do I really believe me, who am I, will ever be the same after I expire? Actually, I do not.</p> <p>I don’t walk around with a library of past lives running through my head. But there are things I cannot explain. What is it that animates us; that makes us alive? I do believe we can mechanically keep the body alive after the soul departs, but it is the soul, the consciousness, the living drive or force that makes the cells of my body go – to keep on going. This to me isn’t unique to humans, something I view as egotistical, but something that animates all living things: animal, plant and possibly other things beyond my comprehension. I can take the standpoint that I may not understand what the soul is, it’s depth, breadth and shape, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t there.</p> <p>I’m not making an argument for an afterlife where I, as I am, keep on going. I’m making one for me, as I am now, keeping me going right now. Perhaps it dissipates upon my death, or moves on to a different state with the Lwa, as a ghost or some other aspect in some other place. Perhaps it is reincarnation. This isn’t as important to me as the here and now. It’s making me alive, perhaps it’s not the consciousness, but what drives it. </p> <p>The point is, I’m close enough to the river that she is filling my lungs. At this moment I know. Later, as I write this, I will doubt – and this is good – but during this discussion, I know.</p> <p>Vodou is a religion to be experienced. You can watch: during a ceremony, on a television documentary, but to understand it is to experience it. This soul I’m discussing, it can be experienced. I can’t explain it as well as I wish, as logically as I wish – but some points are good. I’m not the religious scholar some of my friends are – but I am feeling it, experiencing it. That’s more than I can explain, with words specific enough in my grasp of my language. Like Vodou, this experience is what makes it what it is. Like deep meditation, you can’t understand it until you’ve done it. Like great sex or that first orgasm, if you’ve never had it, you have no idea what it is.</p> <p>It’s beyond language.</p> <p>I’m not sure if I convinced anyone of anything. It’s not the kind of argument that deserves a winner or a loser. It’s the kind of argument I really appreciate having, and I thank my friends that they are willing to have it with me. It’s a blessing to be challenged in this way. It gets me to think, to try and explain what I believe, to articulate things I haven’t tried to articulate before. It’s the mark of a great friendship.</p> <p>Am I right or wrong? Is there a soul or isn’t there? Is this really important? To me, the important thing is the experience ; <a title="Chasing The Asson: 24 Hours On Top Of The World: The desire to not be enlightened" href="http://www.chasingtheasson.com/2010/02/24-hours-on-top-of-world.html" target="_blank">experiencing life</a>, experiencing the river: my friend, my lover. I wish Saumya was here. I wish for this moment, this argument/debate to never end. Right now I am alive. My definition of that life includes my poor understanding of my own soul, my consciousness and my grasp to explain what that means. I don’t believe I’m alone in my struggle to explain that which I cannot explain.</p> <p><em>I always appreciate the feedback I receive to my blog on Facebook. If your comment isn’t private, I ask that you share it on my blog by clicking on comments below. I also appreciate Facebook likes/shares, +1s, tweets or any other type of sharing for any of my posts. For those of you who do, thanks for sharing.</em></p> Urbanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06019262251107123583noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1136904882540860539.post-61720636408248836312012-11-12T20:25:00.001-06:002012-11-12T20:25:32.445-06:00Second Class Citizen: Thank You<p>My last post <a title="Chasing The Asson: Second Class Citizen" href="http://www.chasingtheasson.com/2012/10/second-class-citizen.htm" target="_blank">Second Class Citizen</a> was a plea to vote no on the Minnesota constitutional amendments being proposed: a limiting of the definition of marriage and Voter ID. I’d like to say “<em>Thank You”</em> that both measures were defeated in Minnesota. </p> <p>I truly believe both proposed amendments would be a limit on individual freedoms that I hold dear. Last Tuesday made me proud to be a citizen of this great state and our great nation. Minnesota, you made me proud.</p> Urbanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06019262251107123583noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1136904882540860539.post-49747808514000636062012-10-03T05:21:00.001-05:002012-11-12T20:09:21.483-06:00Second Class Citizen<p>Our freedom and liberty are at risk. During this election, the biggest threat to America is not coming from outside the US in the guise of foreign terrorists or an invading army; it comes from within America itself. In Minnesota two amendments are proposed to change my state’s constitution, but this threat is also on the ballot in many other states across the US this year.</p> <p>Both threats are an attempt to get an electoral majority to limit the rights and freedoms of a smaller group of Americans. In our brief history as a nation, through countless struggles by courageous people our democracy has learned how to protect the rights of certain minorities. Those struggles have led me to believe that an experienced democracy learns how to protect and value minority rights; a less mature democracy threatens and controls the rights of minority groups.</p> <a name='more'></a> <p>The first freedom under attack is the right to marry whomever one chooses. I’m a man in an interracial marriage. My wife and I have been married for 17 years. It’s hasn’t always been easy, but it’s always been worth it. I watch some of my friends and some of my friend’s children being denied that right. One of my friends wrote a guest post addressing her anger and a plea for her brother in <a title="Chasing The Asson: Americans, Religion, My Brother, and Me" href="http://www.chasingtheasson.com/2012/05/americans-religion-my-brother-and-me.html" target="_blank">Americans, Religion, My Brother, and Me</a> this past May.<font style="font-weight: normal"></font></p> <p>Passing laws and amending state constitutions restricting who you can marry is taking away a freedom. It flies directly in the face of the <em><a title="United States National Archives: The Declaration of Independence: A Transcription" href="http://www.archives.gov/exhibits/charters/declaration_transcript.html" target="_blank">United States Declaration of Independence's</a></em> life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. </p> <p>Marriage equality does not force any church to agree with or abide with it. It doesn’t compel Catholics, Lutherans, Muslims, Buddhists or any other religious group to perform weddings in their respective churches. It does however give people some basic societal protections. Those come in relation to the person who you’ve dedicated your life to, the person that’s stood with you and taken care of you when others have turned their back on you: friends, family or anyone: access to hospital rooms, insurance, pensions. </p> <p>Everyone deserves to be loved by the person they choose. Some heterosexual marriages end in divorce, but that doesn’t mean we legislate or restrict with whom we can marry. We all deserve to make our choices when it comes to love and family. It is simply immoral to try and restrict a minority group’s rights, just because we don’t agree with them. This isn’t a religious issue; it’s part of being a free society. Religions can disagree and limit all they wish to within their own church, that’s <em>their</em> right. </p> <p>How we enact our laws defines who we are as a people. Are we a simple majority that stomps on the rights of minorities? Didn’t we learn this lesson already? In no good conscience can I restrict the rights of others, even when I don’t agree with them. It’s a slippery slope into eroding other liberties in our society.</p> <p>The second freedom under fire is the right and the ability to vote itself. It wasn’t that long ago in our nation’s history that we had racist laws limiting the African-American vote. These laws often had literacy tests, poll taxes, property ownership and other means to try to disallow certain citizens their voting rights in an election. </p> <p>In my state there is a proposed amendment would require each and every person to carry a government-issued photo ID, which shows the person’s current address. This law is being packaged and sold as a way to protect against voter fraud. In reality, it will restrict legitimate citizen’s ability to vote. If that wasn’t bad enough, <a title="Youtube: Hennepin County Attorney Mike Freeman on Minnesota's Elections System" href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1t7Zna5bGuk&feature=youtu.be" target="_blank">it's estimated to cost an additional $50 million</a> in taxes or state budget cuts to enforce this law, something we really can’t afford at this time.</p> <p>It’s been said this is the last year that the GOP can pursue winning an election strictly by only going after the white vote. In the next presidential election, the demographics of America will require them to gain African-America, Latino-American and other groups support to win. One tactic employed to lower voter turnout is negative campaign ads, something both sides of the political isle are guilty of. Another is requiring this government-issued photo ID. A government-issue ID will make it difficult for students, senior citizens and those who may not be able to comply with all the many legal forms and paperwork one must provide to get an ID. In some states you may also have to <em>pay</em> for an ID: the equivalent of a poll-tax in my opinion (See the <a title="United States National Archives: US Constitution: Ammendments 11-27" href="http://www.archives.gov/exhibits/charters/constitution_amendments_11-27.html" target="_blank">US Constitution, 24th Amendment</a>). The Minnesota amendment would provide for free government-issued IDs to get around this issue.</p> <p>Billboards around town are showing a solider hugging a little girl, an American flag in her hand clutched around the soldier’s back: they ask for the voter ID law to pass. Suppressing the American vote is now considered patriotic? I was under the impression American service men and women fought to protect our freedom, not take it away. If our military stood to take away the freedoms of American citizens, that would be <a title="Wikipedia: Despotism" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Despotism" target="_blank">despotism</a>. This is not who we are or what we stand for.</p> <p>Our US constitution is there to protect us as a people from the tyranny that governments have imposed. It is intended to give us representation, a voice in our government. Taking away or restricting the ability to vote is relinquishing our freedom to a group of people who then elect the government. </p> <p>If either of these proposed laws is passed, we are creating <em>second class citizens</em>. We’re creating a group of Americans codified by our state’s constitutions as people that have fewer rights than others. Today it may seem like a GLBT issue; it may be a right to vote. It’s the beginning of the dissolution of our American rights and freedoms. We may find ourselves in two years, four or twelve restricting our rights in other ways. I truly hope this is not the direction our country is headed.</p> <p>Our majorities must respect minority rights. We must not cede <em>our</em> right to vote, or <em>any group of American citizens</em> the right to vote. We must not let rich, powerful interests use that power to sell us a bag of goods saying there is voter fraud then sign our rights and the rights of others away under this false pretense. It’s trying to steal power, pure and simple.</p> <p>We’re coming to some very important decisions as to what kind of nation we will be. Our liberty and freedoms are at stake <em>right now</em>. We’re not seeing America invaded by a foreign nation, but a bloodless coup from within. These laws may not affect you today, but may affect you someday. If you live to be 80 or 90, you will have to renew your ID. You may be in a hospital bed unable to travel to the government office, your mind as sharp as a whip but unable to vote. These laws will have unpredictable consequences. If they pass, there will likely be more aimed at curbing the rights of others and as well as ourselves.</p> <p>We’re Americans. We fight wars under the banner of freedom and democracy. Let’s not stomp on the rights of others. If we stand together now, we can stop the erosion of our freedom and prevent it from slipping farther and farther away from us. Don’t wait until it’s too late. Please vote <em>NO</em> on both measures.</p> <p>Further information:</p> <ul> <li><a title="Guardian UK: Gay rights in the US, state by state" href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/interactive/2012/may/08/gay-rights-united-states" target="_blank">GLBT Rights state by state</a> </li> <li><a title="StarTribune: Photo ID edict could hit 215,000 Minnesota voters" href="http://www.startribune.com/politics/statelocal/169055996.html" target="_blank">Photo ID edict could hit 215,000 Minnesota voters</a> </li> <li><a title="Duluth News Tribune: Minnesota voter ID opponents call it costly, unnecessary" href="http://www.duluthnewstribune.com/event/article/id/245017/">Minnesota voter ID opponents call it costly, unnecessary</a> </li> <li><a title="Land Stewardship Project: Why Restricting the Right to Vote is Bad for our Land, Farms & Rural Communities" href="http://landstewardshipproject.org/posts/329" target="_blank">Why Restricting the Right to Vote is Bad for our Land, Farms & Rural Communities</a> </li> <li><a title="Saint Paul Pioneer Press: Voter ID expected to cost Ramsey County millions" href="http://www.twincities.com/localnews/ci_20839185/ramsey-county-voter-id-bill-could-reach-1" target="_blank">Voter ID expected to cost Ramsey County millions</a> </li> <li><a title="Minnesota Secretary of State: Proposed Constitutional Amendment on Elections" href="http://www.sos.state.mn.us/index.aspx?page=1731" target="_blank">Minnesota Proposed Constitutional Amendment on Elections</a> </li> <li><a title="Minnesota Secretary of State: Constitutional Amendments and the 2012 General Election" href="http://www.sos.state.mn.us/index.aspx?page=1719" target="_blank">Constitutional Amendments and the 2012 General Election</a> </li> <li><a title="Guardian UK: Sarah Silverman in voter ID campaign ad – video" href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/video/2012/sep/28/sarah-silverman-voter-id-video" target="_blank">(WARNING: Profanity) VIDEO: Sarah Silverman in voter ID campaign ad</a> </li> </ul> <p><em>I always appreciate the feedback I receive to my blog on Facebook. If your comment isn’t private, I ask that you share it on my blog by clicking on comments below. I also appreciate Facebook likes/shares, +1s, tweets or any other type of sharing for any of my posts. For those of you who do, thanks for sharing.</em></p> Urbanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06019262251107123583noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1136904882540860539.post-86816654165204074642012-09-23T20:22:00.001-05:002012-09-29T14:52:30.029-05:00Conversion or Initiation<p>What do you believe in? Why do you believe it? Were you born into it or did you change your beliefs as you came upon it? Is it mutually exclusive of other viewpoints and beliefs, or is it inclusive and expansive with them? The two words: <a title="Oxford Dictionaries: Definition of conversion" href="http://oxforddictionaries.com/definition/english/conversion" target="_blank">conversion</a> and <a title="Oxford Dictionaries: Definition of initiation" href="http://oxforddictionaries.com/definition/english/initiation" target="_blank">initiation</a> used in a religious or spiritual context have subtle differences in meaning. They both usually refer to coming to a new religious system or belief, but they depart from there.</p> <p>When I was first introduced to Hinduism, I was told it was something people can’t convert to. At the time my 20-something brain said to me, don’t tell me what I can and cannot do; I was put off. Whenever I’m told there is something I can’t do, my first reaction is gut-wrench abhorrence to the idea: why not? Whether the statement itself is true or not, the answer underlying it is rooted more in philosophy and perspective than mere facts. My current understanding is: you can’t convert to Hinduism, but you can initiate into it. The difference seems subtle, but the meaning is very important. (I’ll leave caste aside.)</p> <p>Most of the dominant Western religions [Judaism, Catholicism, Islam] have a conversation aspect to them. You shed your previous beliefs and proclaim you now have taken on the new dogma. You are converted. You now believe what the others believe. Of course there are variances. Not all people from a religion are generic and believe the same things wholeheartedly, but the conversion takes place and in doing so you proclaim your faith in the new dogma and doctrines. The <em>door closes</em> on your past belief system. These systems are usually exclusive in their beliefs with the religion you converted into.</p> <a name='more'></a> <p>Many other religious offer what’s known as initiation. You are initiated into the new beliefs. Initiation implies a <em>door opening</em>. You now have access to a new system to incorporate into your beliefs. These systems can be inclusive of your other beliefs: past and future. You can believe in more than one system. They all have a place at your table.</p> <p>I make a comparison to citizenship in America. It used to be that to become a citizen of the United States, you had to renounce your old citizenship. You were no longer a citizen of your prior country, but exclusively a US citizen. More recently, the US has accepted the stance of dual citizenship. You can now be Canadian and a US citizen. You can be a citizen of more than one country. In a conversion system, you renounce you old beliefs. In an initiation system, you can be dual (or more) in your beliefs.</p> <p>Why is this distinction important? I consider myself a Catholic, a Christian, a student of the Himalayan Vedic meditative tradition <em>and</em> a Vodou priest. To me, they all coexist peacefully. I draw upon each tradition, pulling out common threads, unique beliefs and take the best of all of them. To a Catholic, I’m fairly certain they would not consider me a Catholic, same to a Christian. To a practitioner of Vodou, there is less conflict. In fact, many Vodouisants in the west consider themselves Catholic as well as followers of Vodou. They see these systems as complimentary. </p> <p>To me, initiation is powerful. It expands your belief system with new possibilities. Conversion jettisons the old beliefs to be completely in your new religion. I find that many of the dominant Western religions have this duality: you are one of us (completely) or you are not. There is no room for multiple belief systems in their theology. Many others systems are less rigid. They offer to answer the same questions: where do we come from, what is God, how should I live my life, what is the divine and how can I experience it; but the questions are open and evolving. They change with the times, coexist with science and evolve with us as humans. They are there for you to figure out their mysteries as you yourself progress in your understanding of them.</p> <p>I don’t write this to say everyone will agree with me. I’m sure there are people in each of the non-dominant Western traditions who will say there is no room for interpretation, no room for dissent, no coexistence with multiple beliefs. This has been my <em>subjective</em> interpretation; for me it’s a powerful one. We as people can benefit from our spiritual systems not being dualistic: you’re one of us or you’re an outsider. Allowing someone to be introduced into your beliefs and incorporate the ones that best mesh with your own opens doors to stronger beliefs and better refinement. It’s flexible, malleable and can evolve with us as a people as we discover more about the world.</p> <p>In my understanding, religion should be able to change with the times like language does. Language constantly evolves as new ideas are created. Religion in that same vein should be able to evolve with new scientific discovery, with new spiritual discovery, with any type of discovery. We should be able to evolve our understanding of the ecstatic experience of what the divine means to us (whether you believe in God or not). This benefits all of humankind. </p> <p>I believe the rigidity of belief will be the downfall of any religious system. Without the capability to reinvent itself it is destined to die, even if it takes centuries to happen. If humans evolve, their religious systems must evolve with them to stay relevant. </p> <p>The path of initiation is a road before us. We have taken the first steps, and it’s up to us which direction we walk. We can stay on the road, or we can stray off the path, finding and making new paths along our way. That is the power of initiation, the beliefs are shown to you, it’s up to you what you’ll do with them. You can fully immerse yourself or reinvent yourself. You can incorporate what fits. It can change with you.</p> <p>Conversion to me limits our options. We have less leeway to stray from the common beliefs. We declare ourselves one religion with the others of our faith. We follow the doctrines of our faith. There is little room to stray from the path.</p> <p>This is my understanding of the difference between the two words today. I’m interested in how you might disagree, or how you might feel I’m wrong in my understanding or if you agree in part or wholly. Do you feel the religion you practice is conversion oriented or initiatory? Do you feel this is the right way for religions to be and if so why? Please take the time to comment below so I can expand my understanding. </p> <p><em>I always appreciate the feedback I receive to my blog on Facebook. If your comment isn’t private, I ask that you share it on my blog by clicking on comments below. I also appreciate Facebook likes/shares, +1s, tweets or any other type of sharing for any of my posts. For those of you who do, thanks for sharing.</em></p> Urbanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06019262251107123583noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1136904882540860539.post-14142711063477916202012-09-15T17:51:00.001-05:002012-09-22T11:14:28.350-05:00Missing The Point: White Privilege Part 1<p>I was deeply saddened and angry by the Sikh Gurdwara (temple) shooting. I wrote the post <a title="Chasing The Asson: I Wear a Kara" href="http://www.chasingtheasson.com/2012/08/i-wear-kara.html" target="_blank">I Wear a Kara</a> in its wake. In the discussion that followed I understood that I didn’t quite fully achieve what I was hoping to.</p> <p>How did I go astray? I focused time and energy on how Sikh’s are different than Muslims, instead of focusing on the real problems: racism, hatred and misunderstanding. In my own case, I was stifled by my own blind spot: white privilege.</p> <table border="0" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="4" width="240"><tbody> <tr> <td valign="top" width="240"><a title="Twitter @sikhknowledge: I will not distinguish my self from a muslim because I won't abandon any one person as a target in the face of racist attitudes. Im a person" href="https://twitter.com/sikhknowledge/status/232626308516024321" target="_blank"><img style="background-image: none; border-right-width: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; border-top-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; padding-top: 0px" title="Sikh Knowledge Quote" border="0" alt="Sikh Knowledge Quote" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrrboLrBzEgFN-5cTHJ98PRFDRY0GuaScgpTt2U03yrDckTMoY9gK6xtG8gYMTIJczT1UPEECXVgtt8w1JZRBHWT4A2teyt6tArawfM2DJFh4MJAVU7KByrUNOmMafZerWwF9enwxGDGIk/?imgmax=800" width="468" height="99" /></a> <br /><font size="1">Twitter user @sikhknowledge sums it up for me</font></td> </tr> </tbody></table> <p>I spent time in my post on how Sikh’s are different. I never should have gone there. I’d like to say we’re all the same: people, families, trying to survive, trying to pray, celebrate life. I want everyone to be treated as equals to the point that I force myself to believe we are all equals – even though we’re not.</p> <p>I wish the world where a place where all men were treated the same; all women were treated the same as men; all religions were seen as paths of love and a celebration of life with one another: but the world is not that place. Sometimes I want it so bad I try to believe that all men are equal (and all the rest above): but then I get my white privilege blind spot. The world is not an equal place. Further, I’m in the <a title="Whatever: Straight White Male: The Lowest Difficulty Setting There Is" href="http://whatever.scalzi.com/2012/05/15/straight-white-male-the-lowest-difficulty-setting-there-is/" target="_blank">top dominant, privileged position</a>.</p> <a name='more'></a> <p>To put this another way: I often forget that I’m married to a brown-skinned woman (for the past 17 years). I see her as my wife. I am able to forget that her skin is brown. She is often reminded that her skin is brown, by the society at large. To me it doesn’t matter because of my privilege: it doesn’t affect me. To her, society treats her differently, she feels the effects.</p> <p>People of different skin color are treated differently. They are followed in stores; they are asked if they speak English (even when they’re speaking perfect unaccented American-English). They are dealt with suspicion, fear and uncertainty. I miss all of this for two reasons: first I don’t run into it myself, second it’s rare (but not unheard of) to have it occur when I’m around. </p> <p>This is no different with religion. The dominant religion in this country is Christianity. If you’re not Christian, you may be feared, disrespected or misunderstood. The country, society, the whole system is geared around Christianity – in the holidays we as a nation celebrate, what times of day and day of the week set aside for prayer and the places to do so. </p> <p>This is no different with other prejudices. It doesn’t make me a bad, evil person to not see the day to day struggles of others, but like zoning in a city, it’s partitioned away from my daily conscience life. It’s how we’re brought up, how we’ve learned – how we’ve programmed ourselves. It can be overcome, but it’s difficult. </p> <p>This isn’t just an American problem, but a world-wide one. Travelling anyplace in the world, the white man is often treated specially. Whether it’s roots are in colonialism or elsewhere, I can’t say for certain. But the reality exists. Sometimes it backlashes against us: this is rare compared to how much it affects others. Understanding this can help you understand some of the anti-American sentiment (capitalism and globalization aside).</p> <p>Starting to see white privilege is very difficult, because you’re trying to see something that for you until now hasn’t existed. Trying to see something you can’t see is hard. Once you start to see it, it becomes easier. At least I hope so, it’s still hard for me.</p> <p>With all of my friends with different ethnicities, religions, gender preferences: it’s hard for me to see how the cards are stacked against them because I often don’t run into it. I’m in a more diverse group, in a multi-cultural marriage; I have bi-racial god children: and it’s difficult for me. Where does this all lead?</p> <p>This is what leads to the mistrust, suspicion and eventually hate crimes that were the tragedy in suburban Milwaukee. People see a turban and think bad guy. They don’t see a turban and see a person. It’s irrelevant whether that person is Sikh, Muslim, Christian or something else. My practice of Vodou should be seen as a religion: not “Black Magic,” with Zombies. My wife should be seen as a woman: born in America she’s often asked where she’s from; a question I rarely get asked, if ever.</p> <p>It may seem hard to unlearn what we have learned, but it can be done much easier than you think. The first step is awareness. The second is to stop seeing/treating/understanding people with disrespect. </p> <p>We are different but these differences can enrich our lives. I can still get the door for a lady; I can wish a happy Ramadan to a fellow coworker. We all want to live our lives with respect and love. We all want to raise families freely. To do all of this without persecution: that is what America was founded upon. </p> <p>It’s time we embrace these truths. When we come together and stand together as brothers, sisters, neighbors with those alike and different from ourselves: Muslim, Sikh, Christian, Jew, Atheist, Vodou, Pagan, Gay, Straight, Young, Old, With Children, Without Children, Rich, Poor, Republican, Democrat, Progressive, Liberal; then we start to bridge the gaps we have made and start to truly heal. We cease to divide and become one.</p> <p>Stop the hate speech please and please stop the <a title="Chasing The Asson: Religious Intolerance" href="http://www.chasingtheasson.com/2012/07/religious-intolerance.html" target="_blank">religious intolerance</a>.</p> <p>Still denying white privilege? Here are some <a title="Jim C. Hines: Facts are Cool" href="http://www.jimchines.com/2012/05/facts-are-cool/" target="_blank">white privilege facts</a>.</p> <p><em>I always appreciate the feedback I receive to my blog on Facebook. If your comment isn’t private, I ask that you share it on my blog by clicking on comments below. I also appreciate Facebook likes/shares, +1s, tweets or any other type of sharing for any of my posts. For those of you who do, thanks for sharing.</em></p> Urbanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06019262251107123583noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1136904882540860539.post-87968493107517908272012-09-15T17:47:00.001-05:002012-09-15T17:52:30.380-05:00Absence<p>I’ve been away from blogging and I have some posts that are backlogged. My personal life needed attention at the beginning of July. Most of these emergencies are behind me now. Work also demanded too much attention, I needed to really put the computer down and veg with the iPad.</p> <p>I hope I haven’t lost too many of my readers. I know some people have reached out and asked why I haven’t written in a while.</p> <p>There are a few posts that should be up in the next week or two. First, I readdress the temple shootings that I wrote about in <a title="Chasing The Asson: I Wear a Kara" href="http://www.chasingtheasson.com/2012/08/i-wear-kara.html" target="_blank">I Wear a Kara</a>, hoping to restate some things that, upon reflection, left me unhappy with the piece. Second, I hope to finally post on the difference between initiation and conversion. I feel in the west, we tend to think of things in absolutes: you are one thing or another. The rest of the world doesn’t always understand things this way.</p> <p>Hopefully you’re still with me. I hope to see some exciting discussion raised.</p> Urbanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06019262251107123583noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1136904882540860539.post-68480568805857891282012-08-11T17:58:00.001-05:002012-08-11T18:28:19.715-05:00Shiduri-Doo<p> <table border="0" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="4" width="148" align="right"><tbody> <tr> <td valign="top" width="146"> <p align="right"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdfLatofh_ZTzkPFgjP3iAZFI7rO7qAH5o8KhpDYrCVCZSeQcH_2mSvW2FZgvCUXLvOCf5_CRVOSc6SymXNzKsL-7uvO0ped75hdDQyjX1mTD5KELZpSl4pms27s-ztap5DcCyoOsF-cGt/s1600-h/iPhone%252520144%25255B7%25255D.jpg"><img style="background-image: none; border-right-width: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; border-top-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; padding-top: 0px" title="iPhone 144" border="0" alt="iPhone 144" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5n5LTCbQi-UogmlB3EN2s_V8uJ0kAAEfcZ-kTxF1YbFEaBLoeLoV3-M3K4aZaeqqa0e8f6K1cqJ9jZ626KkgNazIVJIRRsZwwOEblr0HV2bcmGLvOHgX_KOsotWa93QhuzDW609jVI69l/?imgmax=800" width="137" height="244" /></a> <br /><font size="1">Shiduri when she first came to us.</font></p> </td> </tr> </tbody></table> She came to us starved, neglected and abused. One of the first things we did was change her name: your old life is over; you are loved.</p> <p>From the moment Saum saw her on the Great Dane rescue site, Saum knew she was ours. She was in the Dakotas (can’t remember which one), then she was gone from the site. Her name was A. J.</p> <p>We were looking for a larger dog after Asha (aka Asha boo or Asha the boo). Our other rescue dog, Barnabas (aka B-dog) was morning her loss, deeply depressed. He needed her; she needed us.</p> <p>We met her in a northern St. Paul suburb at a foster family. It was the same dog A. J.: delisted and moved to the Twin Cities to try and find a home here. She had come to us: we found each other.</p> <a name='more'></a> <p>Rechristened Shiduri (aka Shiduri-Doo, the Doo) after the Goddess in epic heroic tales, she was the goofiest dog we’ve ever owned. We set about feeding her copious amounts of high-quality dog food, mineral supplements and oil to help her gain weight, measuring the amount to not make it too sudden. She was hand shy, especially around men: scared but trusting of us. </p> <p>We discovered Scooby-Doo nailed the Great Dane. They are constantly hungry, try to talk and are scared of everything. A thunder storm would find her trying to crawl into our lap: all 110 lbs. of her. Dane’s are tall enough to reach the top of the refrigerator. She could be petted from a standing position without and leaning down. She carried a whip at her backside more dangerous than Indiana Jones. (The Great Dane rescue site warned about “the whip”.)</p> <p> <table border="0" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="4" width="167" align="left"><tbody> <tr> <td valign="top" width="165"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSGHtaAcNKEzAwELhBGwaNxss0_RqS6awWdVEtOISo-0pG9hSzX3FGcQhp-qiuqz0vzf44f5QCT737Dl7-P9q1cXkk9zhQjU4rWHZN3BIJMdKjqrhyJu_cSq024Sa3RvcvpuEinTgonbZ2/s1600-h/iPhone%252520001%25255B3%25255D.jpg"><img style="background-image: none; border-right-width: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; border-top-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; padding-top: 0px" title="iPhone 001" border="0" alt="iPhone 001" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdtnOUc7c2nR6bA8h9-6bMYS2P04CJ9QIC4NZyo6haN9ZLFLm4cE6DVDS0irV-buqhyjTRA_vaSOmWBqKGXmbYto1W_btVYYvLBSFv9fk94CJJXk_ZHa2war6DDeFPDrK6PZK7lhInuicI/?imgmax=800" width="156" height="244" /></a> <br /><font size="1">Pink Panther tail maintenance, or a slow morphing.</font></td> </tr> </tbody></table> Our front hall used to be splattered with blood. That whip-like tail would fly freely, bang against the wall unbeknownst or uncaring of her, and open on the end: sending blood freely through the air. We would take a piece of gauze and vet wrap it to her: hot pink she was slowly turning into the Pink Panther.</p> <p>Great Dane’s are high maintenance. You have to watch for bloat, which she suffered once. We had to constantly watch her weight, what she could get into (head standing higher than a counter top) and in the end she suffered an inflammatory disease. It was all worth it.</p> <p>She was the goofiest dog I’ve had. We spent time bonding when Saum was gone. Sitting together, laying together, rides in the car. When I took her to the pet store, every little kid would come up asking to pet her, “what kind of dog is this?” A Scooby-Doo dog, I would say (in my opinion the most popular dog in the world). She was taller than most of them, but they always approached with awe in their eyes; me holding her by the smallest, thinnest, gentlest of leashes. </p> <p>Why do we continue to put ourselves though this? Because of the love they give. Dogs are special. They bond differently than other animals. They feel like ours with an interdependence I don’t feel with my cat or horses. All these different animal relationships are unique in what they ask and offer.</p> <p> <table border="0" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="4" width="255" align="right"><tbody> <tr> <td valign="top" width="253"> <p align="right"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoyT5W3gwhmrSVRI9dySax4Fge_kE5OHxlGzBaMwGDs7SEgx0u7VOG-NEwofnZpSaIhi9Rd32Ie79cBiQLTDfpwvyYscpQ6tgRDY_Wq2jZqdqnw8eN_jHTgRHZMzaAZcMh5h20tmGoHGDr/s1600-h/iPhone%252520003%25255B3%25255D.jpg"><img style="background-image: none; border-right-width: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; border-top-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; padding-top: 0px" title="iPhone 003" border="0" alt="iPhone 003" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8xevZSsGSgsmxbqJGppk2gYswkBrzerQCSx-IA8FED0DVlL4ujOv-Im9jcOHVBR6PxUAwBQ_Gqgh05i28wzxMcaupf-WyxdNFpRUEDvEnb9rslvMXtZYTTM8qmKnL-_wMNiT-TcxVhBLd/?imgmax=800" width="244" height="184" /></a><font size="1"> <br />My dear goofy dog.</font></p> </td> </tr> </tbody></table> I will miss her. I miss Kalia (my first dog), Dagaz and Asha (Kalia’s offspring I hand-delivered at their birth) and now Shiduri. Parting with a pet is one of the most difficult decisions a pet owner can make. You have to separate your needs from hers and see into what she is asking: does she want to fight and keep going, or does she want to rest. Shiduri asked to rest. Her sleep passed her into a different world. Run fast my friend. Run fast.</p> Urbanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06019262251107123583noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1136904882540860539.post-23224879078467521672012-08-07T18:20:00.001-05:002012-08-07T21:26:09.595-05:00I Wear a Kara<table border="0" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="4" width="187" align="right"><tbody> <tr> <td valign="top" width="185"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDLYiHWYaG4wqqCwfhaYzglzDmJtcmfbzCykTT_VXpv-dtXI8MlnZC54n9d7QPZP26p3s1wORcdEbL4ttSL1uf1YQHypRT9gjylGorCXlH-VMyKjtodziSBLzVOZZBtTCeC05vMGNsUbNZ/s1600-h/IMG_1605%25255B3%25255D.jpg"><img style="background-image: none; border-right-width: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; padding-top: 0px" title="IMG_1605" border="0" alt="IMG_1605" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgS-_DULJdzI72hayt3tN0Til5FiWbXF18cCiZA_1dweSUVh4b8Uj1XSyPKbW41QmBlcFexK07h80S09CnPtF3WstN-x8I-QuWmHaWzaPXOeGxBg7FujpVmwYHiosDog-du0rciGBcFSFaA/?imgmax=800" width="184" height="244" /></a><font size="1">The Kara is a steel bracelet worn by warriors. I’ve worn mine non-stop for over 11 years.</font></td> </tr> </tbody></table> <p>I am deeply saddened by the tragedy at the Sikh Gurdwara outside of Milwaukee. I am also very angry. I’m trying to reconcile the two. My wife became an honorary Sikh in the 80s, but that is her story to tell when she is ready.</p> <p>Eleven years ago my marriage was on the rocks. I’m not going to go into the details of how I almost derailed it, but I made an important decision: it was a marriage worth fighting for. In changing my attitude and strengthening myself to not give up, I started a long journey to repair the damage I had done. This was the longer difficult path, the shorter easier path would have been to dissolve the marriage. It has taken years to turn around.</p> <p>After my struggles with our marriage, my wife gave me a gift: a Kara. It is a steel bracelet worn by warriors and one of the five items all Sikhs of faith must bear. In fighting for my own marriage, in the struggle and fight against myself and my own issues, she felt I deserved it. I have worn it every day since. It has replaced my wedding band as a constant reminder of my dedication, struggles and strength I put forth in my marriage. It is a stronger symbol of love than any gold band could give; it is a stronger piece of metal, harder to break.</p> <a name='more'></a> <p>My brother-in-law married in Chicago, 2001. Being the only member of our extended Indian family that knew how to tie a turban, I tied one onto my brother for his wedding. While my brother celebrated his honeymoon in India, September 11<sup>th</sup> happened: he shaved his beard. </p> <p>Many different people across the world wear turbans: Christians, Hindus, Sikhs, Muslims; Indians, Middle-Easterners, Far Easterners, Africans. They’re as ubiquitous as hats. Sikhs have rules there religion dictates; one is a man or woman does not cut their hair. This usually means you’ll see a beard and they’ll wrap their hair in a turban. Some Americans see turban and beard and immediately become fearful or hateful.</p> <p>Shortly after the World Trade Center attacks, <a title="Washington Post: Attack on temple in Wis. reawakens fears among Sikhs since Sept. 11" href="http://www.washingtonpost.com/national/fears-of-sikhs-since-sept-11-attacks-increase-with-attack-on-sikh-temple-that-killed-6/2012/08/05/6c209ed6-df68-11e1-8d48-2b1243f34c85_story.html" target="_blank">Sikhs across America were targeted</a>. People saw turban, beard and brown skin and decided they were guilty of something – usually focusing their hatred. A turban in the east is the same tie-wearing in the west. Just because someone wears one does not make him anything. Having a beard does not make you a killer. The 9/11 attackers were not wearing uncut bears and a turban; they were wearing business casual. In today’s America most religious/hate crimes are committed by white men, but it’s harder for us see and blame white men as “the other”.</p> <p>I really wanted my brother to keep his beard, but I understood why he didn’t. People were attacking Sikhs. They were attacking men in turbans, men with beards. He’s Hindu and wanted to feel safe. </p> <p>While visiting Gwalior, India, in 2002; we explained Sikh attacks in America to the Rajasthani hotel staff. They were dumbfounded: “they’re not even the same kind of turban,” they exclaimed. We tried to convey that people in the west can’t tell the difference. This was beyond their understanding; just like here in the west someone with a beard or turban is beyond the understanding of who they are, who they might be. We all have our blind spots of ignorance.</p> <p>I’m not saying I know the motivations of the shooter in suburban Milwaukee on Sunday; I don’t want to. My heart goes out to <strong>my fellow Americans</strong> slain or wounded from this hate crime. I’ve witnessed many hate-crimes in my lifetime: cross-burnings in my hometown of Dubuque, IA in 1991; anti-Sikh from 9/11 to today; ongoing anti-Muslim attacks and temple burnings and a daily onslaught of speech against those of any <a title="Chasing The Asson: Religious Intolerance" href="http://www.chasingtheasson.com/2012/07/religious-intolerance.html" target="_blank">faith</a>. </p> <p>Are we really that hateful?</p> <p>My answer is no, we are not. We are not defined as a people from the actions of a few. Hate exists. Ignorance spewed. There are uncountable millions in this land who do not feel this way. We stand with you, all of you. <em>Sat Sri Akaal</em> my brothers and sisters, aunties and uncles, you are one of us: American. An attack on you is an attack on America and American beliefs: the freedom to peaceably celebrate our own faiths.</p> <p> <table border="1" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="4" width="240" align="right"><tbody> <tr> <td valign="top" width="238"> <p>The essence of Sikh teaching is summed up by <a title="Wikipedia: Guru Nanak Dev" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guru_Nanak_Dev" target="_blank">Guru Nanak Dev</a> in these words: "Realization of Truth is higher than all else. Higher still is truthful living".<sup><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sikhism#cite_note-8">[8]</a></sup> Sikh teaching emphasizes the principle of equality of all humans and rejects discrimination on the basis of caste, creed, and gender. – <a title="Wikipedia: Sikhism" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sikhism" target="_blank">Source Wikipedia</a></p> </td> </tr> </tbody></table> </p> <p>I have a special place in my heart for Sikhs: they have suffered so much. In 1984 many were massacred in India. After that: numbers of Sikhs came to America to escape religious persecution in their homeland (a truly American story).</p> <p>They are a proud and strong people, standing up for freedom and fighting oppression. Sikhs teach that the true battles are within: our hearts, spirit and soul.</p> <p>This was my battle I forged within myself to save my marriage. I had to change myself from the inside.</p> <p>I have always had a strong draw to the warrior path. The struggles I believe in fighting are injustice in the world. I fight within myself to change who I am for the better. I fight for the little guy at work, one whose voice can’t be heard. I fight against those who speak and breed hatred. </p> <p>It’s no surprise my Met Tet is Ogou, the warrior in Vodou. </p> <p>During this time I want to do something. I need to do something. Hate crimes are wrong. We must stand up against them. We must stand in solidarity. I’m not sure exactly what that is? Shall I wear a headscarf (from my religion) in show of support? Shall I wear one of my many turbans from my own collection? (All Rajasthani style.) I feel I need to do something to stand with my fellow Americans to show support, that not all people are this ignorant, that we support them in this difficult time.</p> <p>I hope my wearing of the Kara is not offensive to people. I know some are offended by the wearing of religious symbols of one’s faith by others. Mine is worn with an attempt of respect of my Sikh brothers and sisters, but more to a symbol to myself of my own struggles. I am not Sikh, but I respect them deeply.</p> Urbanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06019262251107123583noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1136904882540860539.post-29651455377393836682012-07-31T20:47:00.001-05:002012-11-19T20:47:37.120-06:00Religious Intolerance<p>Respect is something I strive for in other people’s belief systems: if they’re different than my own or even within my own faith. I try to respect those of different faiths, as well as those who seem to have no faith, whether they be atheist or agnostic (it seems a growing number of people are).</p> <p>Lately I’ve been bombarded by <a title="Facebook: Religion Poisons Everything" href="http://www.facebook.com/GodIsNotGreat" target="_blank">postings</a> where people seem to degrade those who have faith in a religion or belief system. The underlying tone is people of faith are stupid (paraphrasing the inference). I have trouble with this. To me stupidity comes in degrading someone else’s beliefs, not from a person who believes something you don’t.</p> <p>I understand there is a tremendous movement going on in backlash to the religious [often Christian] right (at least in the images being thrown at me). Maybe you find these belief systems oppressive to women, the poor, the lower classes. Maybe you think mankind has been fooled into belief systems through man-made power structures or in some way taking advantage of a human need to believe or belong to something. Maybe you believe in nothing but science.</p> <p>Denigrating others however is not the way to live a life.</p> <a name='more'></a> <p>If you only believe in what can be proven in science (by others, since I doubt you’re doing this yourself), why create such hate material. If you believe the religious right has done you wrong, why attack with such vitriol. Show a positive path to your beliefs and lead by example.</p> <p>I have many faults – sometimes those may even be beliefs. I try not to proselytize them onto those who do not wish to hear it. </p> <p>Most of these messages are doing just that. They basically say: you’re an idiot of you believe in something. Believe in nothing like us, and you’ll be free.</p> <p>You have every right to your speech. It’s all free. Please however consider how much hate you bring forth with you. Often, that’s the other underlying message I’m seeing about religion. In the end, that message becomes nothing but hypocrisy. </p> Urbanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06019262251107123583noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1136904882540860539.post-45228720611734442892012-05-26T14:42:00.001-05:002012-05-26T14:57:47.969-05:00My Other Family<p>It wasn’t that long ago that I became a Vodou priest. Not so many years before that I joined a [Vodou] House in New Orleans. I have always been a spiritual person, but <a title="Chasing The Asson: Crisis of Faith" href="http://www.chasingtheasson.com/2009/06/crisis-of-faith_09.html" target="_blank">I haven’t always been a religious one</a>. </p> <p>Your own personal relationship to your mystical side is spirituality, whether that includes God, Spirit, the spirits, just plain nature or something else. You don’t need religion to be spiritual. Anyone can do it. For years I had spirituality without religion. Then I initiated into a Himalayan Vedic tradition, some might call it Hindu, others would object to that (great theological and philosophical debates have come out of those traditions trying to define religion). Still I wouldn’t say I was religious. To be religious is to have two things: common belief (you could call this dogma) and community. </p> <p>When I joined my House I took these on: we had common belief in Vodou and our community was a family. Becoming a priest strengthened that bond; I felt closer to my family. I had taken another initiation, passed another cross-road. </p> <p>The House is there to make it happen, experience it with you and bear witness. You are all much closer on the other side: transformed. It’s powerful, difficult, lonely and touching. The Lwa is at work providing a spiritually powerful transformation. </p> <p>This I knew; this I had done. Then suddenly it was different.</p> <a name='more'></a> <h2>Couche 2012</h2> <p> <table border="0" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="4" width="240" align="right"> <tbody> <tr> <td valign="top" width="240"> <p align="right"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjosZK8vEJBctKy4DA8e-OWuA5ddYMu5wScGL8eCxqBIUoQRmwhU7T4E82xoD9tUl_E2GWsVsrA8ZpH2Bdgy-9ezdBDqiwJm7X3BPAPTZXs-gfJDtetKbd313WFgi_3yP1lmFg-R6mqMMzV/s1600-h/couche%2525202012%252520gary%25255B2%25255D.jpg"><img style="background-image: none; border-right-width: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; float: right; border-top-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; padding-top: 0px" title="couche 2012 gary" border="0" alt="couche 2012 gary" align="right" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhy552itO8L8NgslLOtvahUBXS_eUagUPNJlD3LDInHjaZm-LeLW_5F3cPOUSdiJqQ_Oh26zFH8yGkINdu4xlk3lc6ecMk6JJ586_0EnIA6o_ssNBKxwSc9wdNDXuiP1g7VIluIPHhsdUME/?imgmax=800" width="244" height="244"></a><font size="1"><a title="Instagram: origional_sinsuality "God-daddy"" href="http://instagr.am/p/KmOCtPn2cv/" target="_blank">My papa-son Gary at Couche 2012</a></font></p></td></tr></tbody></table>A few weeks ago there was another couche (Vodou initiation). This time I assisted, those close to me undergoing what I had undergone. My fellow oungans, mambos and I came together. I never had such a powerful experience as this. We performed complicated rituals, preparation, ceremonies, initiations and whatnot. What did I find? There always is another initiation. What I once received I was now giving with the community at large.</p> <p>When I wrote about becoming <a title="Chasing The Asson: There Is No Hell" href="http://www.chasingtheasson.com/2011/09/there-is-no-hell.html" target="_blank">Asogwe</a>, I said next was to figure out what that meant. Helping run couche was another initiation. I could talk about how we prepared, cleaned, danced, sang and so on – it would all be true. The presence of the Lwa for the entire couche was a different matter. From the gross to the subtle, the intensity of their company made it transformative in entirely new ways.</p> <p>Couche is both an intimate and a public event. That shared intimacy with the fellow oungans, mambos and the initiates strengthens that sense of family. It’s grueling for everyone. We’ve all endured something together – an incredibly powerful experience. I’m not sure it can be completely understood, communicated or even repeated. I believe it’s created anew each time: the personal and the shared – the spiritual and the religious. </p> <h2>Re-enfranchised</h2> <p>My spiritual seeking throughout my life has led me down many roads. Eventually I became disenfranchised with religion altogether. I was agnostic, but not atheist. Science has yet to convince me where things come from, or if they can, before that and before that ad infinitum. Spiritual experiences you cannot deny undergoing are hard to let go of. In the face of being agnostic yet spiritual, meditation and Vedic traditions were a perfect step for me.</p> <p>That step led me to Vodou. I could feel it, see it and recognize it. I could experience it. Most importantly, there was a community. Hello religion, I missed you. I didn’t know you could be like this.</p> <p>Which is really what this is all about: religion is your spiritual family. You share common beliefs. You come together. You do ceremony. Friends, family: some stay close and see each other all the time, some distant and missed come home and celebrate together. </p> <p>Vodou has re-enfranchised religion for me. I come home to my other family. When I’m away, I practice where I am. Couche saw that family grow. We welcome more people into it. We grow closer through it. We are proud of those who take additional steps of the initiate. There are always more crossroads and more initiations along the way. Sometimes you cross them hand in hand, arms locked together with your family present to see you through.</p> <p><em>I always appreciate the feedback I receive to my blog on Facebook. If your comment isn’t private, I ask that you share it on my blog by clicking on comments below. I also appreciate Facebook likes/shares, +1s, tweets or any other type of sharing for any of my posts. For those of you who do, thanks for sharing.</em></p> Urbanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06019262251107123583noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1136904882540860539.post-44546085418854692532012-05-13T12:23:00.001-05:002012-05-13T12:24:18.615-05:00Americans, Religion, My Brother, and Me<p>By Jen Foley. <em>This is a guest post from a good friend of mine. It originally appeared on Facebook and is reprinted here with permission.</em></p> <p>I guess I need to put a little background down as full disclosure: my baby brother is gay (I never suspected it growing up because I never thought about who my brother would love or find attractive. Eww. Gross. That's my BROTHER.) . My first experience in religion and spirituality was at our Episcopalian church (I've had the opportunity to explore both in many different places since then. I believe.). And I despise confrontation (except with family - sorry, family). <p>There is a lot of painful dialogue going on in this country, and on Facebook, right now. And name calling. I cannot understand how friends can be so hurtful to one another. Perhaps my words forward will hurt some of my friends, but that is not my intent. I only hope to explain why I get so emotional about this. Remember, I HATE confrontation, but sitting silently just makes me a coward. I admire too many people like Martin Luther King, Jr. and Gandhi to remain so. Anyway. I'm breaking my rule. I'm saying something political before this November's election is done. If you want to discuss this with me - that's fantastic. But if you become cruel, abusive, and will not civilly listen to another person's point of view, I will have to stop the discussion. <a name='more'></a> <p>I think that making gay marriage illegal is wrong. Marriage is a civil right - by both American and Christian doctrine and standards. <p>By American standards: The Constitution. <blockquote> <p>Amendment 1: Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.</p></blockquote> <p>Not all religions believe that gay people marrying is wrong. Writing laws from the perspective of one religion goes directly against our very first amendment. <p>and: <blockquote> <p>Amendment 14: All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside. No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any State deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.</p></blockquote> <p>I'm not even sure how the law just passed in North Carolina even holds muster. Not when Connecticut, Iowa, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, New York, Vermont, and Washington DC have passed laws saying that gay people can marry. One version LIMITS rights (i.e. abridges the privileges); the other does not. <p>By Christian Beliefs: <p>This gets harder to describe... <p>Jesus loves. And Jesus loves love. And God IS love. Christianity made its turn when it accepted Christ as its savior: New Testament. Old Testament informs, but it should not be the primary informant document of the religion. <p>And the Bible. It is the Word of God. But the STATIC word of God? I was taught it is the LIVING Word of God. It evolves. The current version was put together by men (a whole different discussion...) who decided these books were the ones to be included from the many that could have been, and this is after their translation from their original Aramaic on down to our current English version. Thousands of years of translators, with their own political agendas behind them, can't have warped the original versions? <p>I believe Jesus would be saddened by the treatment of gay people in our country. He always stood up for those who needed their rights protected. <p>And the whole thing about "your marriage being threatened by gay marriage"? If you were married under the eyes of God the ONLY thing that can threaten that is you, your spouse, or God. No one else can break that bond. <p>I realize this is a HUGE debate in the Christian denominations now. If you can't see it this way, I understand. All I can do is pray that some day you might. <p>So there's the short version. <p>I love my brother with all of my heart. I watched him grow up. I watched him struggle. He didn't CHOOSE to be gay - he just IS (and when you go through this as a family, you know this to be the truth). Now he is in a great relationship and I love his partner. And his partner's 2 daughters. And his partner's 2 daughters' mother. <p>So, one day soon, I hope I can go to their wedding to celebrate their love with them (if that's what they want to do - no pressure, guys!). It doesn't have to be in your church, if this is not what you believe. <p>But please let me celebrate it in mine. <p>And please let my brother's family have the same rights mine does. Because it won't diminish your family's rights. <p>Thanks for letting me break my rule.</p> Urbanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06019262251107123583noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1136904882540860539.post-5109483683933074302012-04-16T23:27:00.001-05:002012-04-26T09:35:43.928-05:00Does Our Intellect Detract From Spiritual Ecstasy?<p>This isn’t a plea for ignorance. No definitive conclusions have come to me. What I’m hoping for is open dialogue. </p> <p>I have heard people say their heads get in the way of themselves. This leads me to wonder if we intellectualize ourselves out of the moment; the moment of being in the present and experiencing spiritual ecstasy, a mystical experience that requires a detachment of the intellectual self to be fully realized.</p> <p>People have all kinds of spiritual experiences. Some may be sitting in meditation, experiencing nature, really good sex, playing music, making art, listening to music, appreciating art, swimming, flying, reading, writing, in a temple, riding a horse. Many experiences can be deemed as causing some transcendence to a much deeper meaning that comes with or without revelation – but you succinctly understand you were moved. You may not be able to explain how or the way you were moved – unless you’re explaining it to someone that has been there.</p> <p>When these bouts of spiritual ecstasy come upon us, is it a removal of our intellect, our thinking that allows it to flow more freely? Do we need to detach our minds to open doorways to let that which is more than ourselves enter into us and course through us? </p> <a name='more'></a> <p>At times I feel I over intellectualize situations I am in. My mind tries to grasp the event. My thoughts try to define the sensations I am having. I root myself in the intellect and in observation. I feel this attention to detail robs me from immersing myself more completely – I miss sensations while minding my observations.</p> <h2>The Tools of Detachment</h2> <p>Many religious or spiritual traditions have tools: methods to overcome this attachment to one’s intellect. Practicing meditation, whether mantra based or an empting of thought has this purpose: to free the intellect from the background noise of one’s own thoughts and let the universal waves come through us: energy, power, Soma – whatever you call the effect of the quieting of the self. </p> <p>In Vodou, we dance, we sing. We get caught up in the rhythms and flow of everything around us, emanating from both the visible and invisible world. We surrender to it to the point where it carries us off into another time and place.</p> <p>About a decade ago, I participated in a silence retreat. By removing my voice and conversations with others, whether small talk or deep, we were left with only our internal voice and ourselves to contend with. Eventually even that quiets and we see things differently, hear things unimagined. We sense the magic around us that seems to fade into the background of everyday life.</p> <p>One doesn’t need meditation, song and dance or silence to experience this. Camping in the mountains past old forgotten logging roads, we reach this state. It creeps up until the world seems to inhabit no one but us. We don’t notice it happening; it all seems so – natural. Then we return to society by entering a gas station or grocery store and suddenly the world we normally inhabit comes crashing down around us, surrounding and inundating us, dragging us back through its emersion to those former selves we were before our exit.</p> <p>I have seen some musicians play guitar, piano or another instrument like nothing else in the world exists. They seem to hear this music, whether it’s coming from themselves or some rhythm and melody from beyond and they’ve somehow tapped into it. I’ve seen others caught up in their art: drawing, sculpting, creating. You might spy their tongue poking out the corner of their mouth, completely unaware of the outside world around them and beyond caring about anything but that creative force they’re riding.</p> <p>I have felt an unparalleled union when I reach beyond myself and delve into my horse. I can feel her not beneath me, but a part of me. We reach into each other; we occupy the same space; it’s larger than either of us. There are more powerful unparalleled unions…. </p> <h2>The Intellect</h2> <p>In all the ways I describe this transcendence the mind is freed, left to relax like a body in meditation when the mystical forces engulf our perception and leave our thoughts behind. But does this need to happen? Do our thoughts really get in the way?</p> <p>My wife Saum says she can experience that same ecstasy in academic research. Does the mind focused with singular purpose reach the same state? Is the removal of distraction all that’s important? Perhaps that’s all the previous examples are: a singular attention on a specific task – a free verse mantra recitation as a singular dedication of will through all-encompassing action.</p> <p>Maybe the intellect isn’t the enemy to spiritual experience. Instead, the noise of our thoughts – left to drift, flit and veer off in short attention span twisting and turning until we’re left wondering what it was that got us to the thought we now perceive to be on, ignoring all the thought clutter that occurred along the way.</p> <p>These activities: meditation, immersion, focus, unfocus all shoot us in a singular direction, an uncluttered thought pattern, a shared or personal experience that concludes in one place. Maybe that is why concerts are so powerful – we are all sharing the freedom from worry, stress and noisy thoughts and are combined into one aural collective in a <a title="nsomniasaum: A Night at the Temple" href="http://nsomniasaum.blogspot.com/2010/07/night-at-temple.html" target="_blank">flood of communal spiritual experience</a>. </p> <h2>Craving Freedom from Thought</h2> <p>I believe this can become a craving: freedom from our thoughts and an immersion into the spiritual world around us. Like any unfulfilled craving, ignoring it can cause it to be fulfilled in unhealthy ways. We may find substitutes – other forms of distraction to keep our minds from having to think. We may turn to cups, smoke or an endless stream of electrons coming through a screen. Who am I to judge, maybe that is a spiritual experience?</p> <p>While I’ve been pondering all of this, my mind wanders down familiar paths. I’ve been turning this idea over and over, marinating it, letting it simmer. I have no clear answers yet. While I can see how this makes sense in one way, I can see how it emanates in other contradictory ways. I guess what’s important is to find what works for you and run with it, as long as it’s healthy. </p> <p>I’m not anti-thinking. I enjoy writing, debating ideas about life and spiritual experiences that I couldn’t do without thinking about them. I’m think thinking is great surrounding the moment of experience: great for intention, great to describe what you believe, what you plan to do, what you did, but not so great immersing oneself to deepen spiritual experience. I could be wrong.</p> <p>As I have no clear concise conclusion, I’m asking you to hit the comment button below and share your thoughts on the matter. What have you found as a vehicle for a mystical experience of spiritual ecstasy? Not necessarily the experience itself, but the activity, non-activity, tools and methods you used to get there. Do you think your thoughts diminish the experience by thinking more than doing? There are no wrong answers.</p> Urbanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06019262251107123583noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1136904882540860539.post-1217592519815068552012-03-28T03:05:00.001-05:002012-04-26T10:07:09.634-05:00The Great Healthcare Debate: The Personal Mandate v Broccoli<p>For those of you who haven’t read my <a title="Chasing The Asson: Health Care Reform" href="http://urbanhaas.blogspot.com/2010/02/health-care-reform.html" target="_blank">original post on health care reform</a> written a little over two years ago, please read it now. It’s the second most popular post on my site and currently generates the most traffic.</p> <p>The current debate in the Supreme Court centers around the mandate in the Affordable Care Act requiring individuals to buy health insurance. There are compelling arguments for and against that will be argued before the chief justices make their decision sometime this summer – when the campaigns for the next president will be in high gear.</p> <p>I debated this today on Facebook with a pretty weak premise: the requirement to buy health insurance was similar to states requiring us to buy auto insurance. It was pointed out that not all states require auto insurance – mirroring the attitude to health care reform pretty well. Some states are for it, some are against it. But the debate continued with good opinions. This got me thinking of a better premise that better fits my argument.</p> <a name='more'></a> <p>Before I get to the premise, I want to talk a little about choice. There are several instances where the government has made me do things without my choice that I haven’t agreed with. When I was 18, I had to drive down to our post office and register for <a title="US Selective Service System" href="http://www.sss.gov/FSwho.htm" target="_blank">Selective Service</a>. This lets the government create a list of draftable young men for the military. I didn’t really want to register, but it was required by law. Consequences of not registering could be <a title="US Selective Service: What is the penalty for not registering?" href="http://www.sss.gov/QA.HTM#quest4" target="_blank">fines or jail time</a>. All young men are required to register: regardless of their choice.</p> <p>None of us really have a choice about paying taxes. There are a number of people that don’t want to. It’s one our oldest national debates. It was a leading cause in secession from England. The consequences of not paying: fines or jail time.</p> <p>When it comes to taxes, we also pay into social security. In this the unretired pay for retirees and those unfortunate [destitute or debilitated] that need it earlier. While I’m sure there are a number of people that don’t believe in social security, there are more that do believe this is a good thing for our country. </p> <p>There are a number of laws that are made that people don’t agree with. Most of these are aimed at the greater good of society. People may feel they are unfair, that they may impede on a personal liberty – I can’t go out and have three wives if I want to or my religion says it’s ok – we as a society have decided it’s for the greater good.</p> <h2>This Is About Commerce aka We Don’t Want To Be Forced To Buy Broccoli</h2> <p>Health care reform and the Affordable Care Act is about fairness. Those of us with health insurance pay for the uninsured through higher premiums and higher taxes. It’s not fair for us to do so, but we’ve decided as a civilized nation to not turn those that need emergency care out onto the streets if they can’t pay for it. There are places in the world where this isn’t the case, and most Americans wouldn’t want to live there. </p> <p>The question becomes: how do we make this more fair? What are the interests of the greater good? </p> <p>Health care reform tackled this by requiring the uninsured to buy insurance with financial assistance for those who may need it. According to the Congressional Budget Office (CBO), this will bring down the total cost of healthcare after a period of years of the plan taking effect. The secondary benefits result in us paying less because the uninsured will become insured, there will be a larger pool of people to spread the risk over – which in turn removes pre-existing conditions, yearly and lifetime caps and insures children and young adults better.</p> <p>The main argument against it: Congress is forcing people to buy something they choose not to buy. The fear is that if Congress mandates we buy one thing, like health insurance, we may someday be forced to buy something else, like Broccoli, because like health care we all have to eat. It’s a little like saying gay marriage will someday lead to people wanting to marry sheep.</p> <h2>How Healthcare Is Different Than Broccoli</h2> <p>My wife and I do not have children and we don’t plan to change that. Even though I’ll never have children, my taxes pay for public schools in my area. I can’t go down to my local city hall and choose not to pay for schools. This is because we have made the conscious decision that education is something we value in our country and each and every child deserves an education. This is a non-partisan issue. Partisan politics may go into things like vouchers for private education, but the removal of public education remains a cornerstone of our society.</p> <p>One way we could end this debate would be to get rid of private insurance and make health care universal run by the government. The government runs a number of health care systems with Medicare and the Veteran's Administration being two large ones that come to mind. The bones of a national insurance system are already in place and some of our neighbors have shown how successful this system can be by working and containing costs.</p> <p>I’m not advocating abolishing the private insurance industry, but if we did it would cease being commerce. It would be a government service like roads, bridges, the military and many other government services that Congress authorizes. It would be like public schools.</p> <p>And there in lies the rub. Some people think the quality of public education is bad, and in some places it is. The fear is that government-run public universal health care – or at least government-run universal health <em>insurance</em> would be horrible. I get that. Again, let’s look at the schools.</p> <p>We don’t have public education exclusively in this country. We have public and private schools. Some people can only afford public schools, and for them my tax dollars help run them. Others either being better off, working harder, earning scholarships or from other means choose to send their children to private schools. Public schools may have limited choice by which district you fall into, sometimes there’s choice among them through charter, magnet or other options. Some public schools are top notch. Parents may have additional choices, based on their circumstances. Bottom line: there is a minimum level of services provided up through high school.</p> <p>Health insurance should be no different. This same type of dual system: public and private insurance could have been our choice. Other countries have proved it successful. We could have a minimum level of insurance for all, whether that’s Medicare or something else and others could opt for private insurance with a higher level of service. It seemed unpopular to Congress and the American people to take the brave step for this route, so they compromised. Instead of taking the public universal coverage option, they opted for all Americans to purchase private insurance.</p> <p>In a public school setting, you aren’t forced into sending your child to a charter school, you just have to send them to school. With Congress forcing you to buy medical insurance, you need to buy medical insurance, not a particular company or policy of health insurance – that would be broccoli. The analogy would be we all need to eat so Congress is mandating you need to buy food. If they were mandating a company or policy – then it would be like forcing broccoli. </p> <h2>We’re Having The Wrong Debate</h2> <p>The presidential political season is heating up and Republicans seem hell bent on repealing the Affordable Care Act and attacking it in the Supreme Court. Honestly, we’re having the wrong debate.</p> <p>While the act was being written, Republicans raised many good points that were failings of the act. The act doesn’t cover torte reform, prescription medication cost controls and many other points Republicans wanted in health care reform law. Instead of demanding a repeal of the act which would be devastating to the US economy and to businesses that have spent billions reworking plans to conform to the act, they could take a leadership position by taking it further than before. As I said in my original article, health care reform isn’t going to be fixed with one bill, but many incremental ones. </p> <p>The Affordable Care Act was a good bill, but not a great one. It has improved the economics of the insurance industry, the US population, businesses and the government. A good next step would be further cost controls without removing coverage. It can be done, but takes real political courage.</p> <p>We all need healthcare, starting with the day we’re born until the day we die. Some of us are fortunate enough to use less than others, some have it economically ruin their lives. Repealing the act will cost us more according to the CBO. Instead of costing America more to score political points, how about introducing further cost controls and reducing costs even further. Those are political points that extend across the aisle.</p> <p>For references and true stories, read my <a title="Chasing The Asson: Health Care Reform" href="http://urbanhaas.blogspot.com/2010/02/health-care-reform.html" target="_blank">original article</a>.</p> Urbanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06019262251107123583noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1136904882540860539.post-86653102935974436642012-03-28T00:38:00.001-05:002012-04-26T10:09:26.660-05:00Breaking Through The Ice<p>It’s been over a month since I wrote my last words. What’s happened?</p> <p>I had a flurry of inspiration while in India. I wrote some of my worst stuff: <a title="Chasing The Asson: A Homecoming Long Overdue" href="http://urbanhaas.blogspot.com/2011/12/homecoming-long-overdue.html" target="_blank">A Homecoming Long Overdue</a>, <a title="Chasing The Asson: Return to India" href="http://urbanhaas.blogspot.com/2012/01/return-to-india.html" target="_blank">Return to India</a> and some of my best stuff: <a title="Chasing The Asson: The Buzz of Food" href="http://urbanhaas.blogspot.com/2012/01/buzz-of-food.html" target="_blank">The Buzz of Food</a>, <a title="Chasing The Asson: The Feel of the Beach" href="http://urbanhaas.blogspot.com/2012/01/feel-of-beach.html" target="_blank">The Feel of the Beach</a>, <a title="Chasing The Asson: The Desire to Overcome" href="http://urbanhaas.blogspot.com/2012/01/desire-to-overcome.html" target="_blank">The Desire to Overcome</a>. There was even some mediocre pieces: <a title="Chasing The Asson: Friendship from Strangers" href="http://urbanhaas.blogspot.com/2012/02/friendship-from-strangers.html" target="_blank">Friendship from Strangers</a>. But since I’ve come back, nada.</p> <h2>What Happened</h2> <p>There are contributing factors to my dry spell. After taking six weeks off of work and coming home to a cheering office, work took me by storm. A project consumed me with long hours consuming my thoughts and took priority over everything. When I came home, my computer tried a new experience staying mostly in my bag. I couldn’t look at it, I gave at the office. All the inspiration, spiritual experiences, travel and swimming – all went into a box not to be opened until spring. To sum up: I felt wrung out. </p> <p>There was also a bit of culture shock.</p> <a name='more'></a> <p>I’ve been spending time reading. There’s a stack of half-started unfinished posts that just go no where. I’ve been outside in the 70-80 degree March weather. I’ve ridden my horse, walked along the Mississippi and did things I wouldn’t dream of doing at this time of year.</p> <p>Why would I be indoors writing?</p> <h2>Times Are A Changing</h2> <p>It looks like I may finally have a solution to my rural Internet problem. Where we live, there is no cable, DSL or ISDN. Internet has come in two choices: satellite or cellular. Satellite has a daily cap of around 420 MB/day and cellular has a cap of 5 GB/month – less than satellite. Cellular is faster but has less capacity, which we need. My wife does distance learning over the Internet and has had to watch lecture between 1 AM and 6 AM, the free-range period of satellite where the cap doesn’t apply. The latency completely sucks. The bandwidth: shared by more than a neighborhood in a cable system.</p> <p>We have been on the other side of the digital divide for almost 8 years and I’ve tried almost everything. Most of my writing has taken place in city coffee shops, where the Internet works without hair-pulling latency delays. This changed this week with the discovery of a point-to-point radio ISP that seems to have a decent signal in my area. Hopefully the painful sub-standard Internet will finally be given the boot. I used a combination of ISP networking. Not computer networking but social, “I know you don’t cover my area, but do you know anyone who does?” One helpful provider referenced a great resource for finding a provider: <a title="Connect Minnesota" href="http://www.connectmn.org" target="_blank">Connect Minnesota (connectmn.org)</a>. Installation is set for tomorrow.</p> <p>The other change that you’ll be noticing shortly is the purchase of domain names for both of my blogs. Look for this URL to change to chasingtheasson.com sometime soon. I need to make sure everything transitions smoothly and I wanted to warn people before making the switch. The old URL you’ve been using should automatically redirect. Don’t be shocked when it does.</p> <p>Hopefully some decent writing will be out soon. Until then, enjoy some of my older works.</p> Urbanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06019262251107123583noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1136904882540860539.post-3604251410489135902012-02-03T17:07:00.001-06:002012-04-26T10:12:26.677-05:00Friendship from Strangers<p>Swimming in the Indian Ocean, I notice a man on a raft paddling out to a fishing boat I eyed when entering the water. We exchange waves. He starts paddling over to me while I bob up and down; in turn I swim over to him.</p> <p>“That is my boat", he exclaims. “You come out and see it. I am a fishermen, those are my workers.” I haul myself onto the back of the Styrofoam raft and he resumes paddling out to the boat. Never mind the fact that his mother tongue is Malayalam, mine American English. Between us, we each speak a few words in Hindi. Even with 25% or less of the conversation getting across, we are communicating with each other.</p> <p>It’s a nice boat, as big as the fishing boat from Jaws, perhaps a bit larger. He shows me the hold where fish are on ice, I assert I’m vegetarian before fish are given to me. They offer me food, drinks, smokes – what you do with a new friend and guest: hospitality. I politely refuse each, having just eaten, not drinking and not wanting anything else. However, I am touched by the claim of friendship and the generosity of these four men. Kerala has shown this to me time and again by complete strangers; I’m a guest in their county.</p> <a name='more'></a> <p>It makes me wonder about the way we see and treat complete strangers in my country, the USA. Would we offer to let a stranger in, give them food and drink? Whether I’m the one who’s better off or they are, it doesn’t matter. The offer made is completely genuine.</p> <p>Travel becomes much more interesting when you step out of your familiar environment and get to know the locals; share ideas about each of your own worlds. Conversations, even limited ones go beyond expectations. Travel changes you in ways you never expect to. </p> <h2>Reaching Out</h2> <p>I’m watching a guest being rude to the staff. I consider the people working here friends. We talk about music, about countries we’ve been to and wish to see, about Jamaica – one has a lighter with the stripes of the flag on it. They bend over backwards to make sure everyone is relaxed and has what they want. The rude man finally goes away and I share some wisdom from Dr. Bob. “There is this saying in New Orleans,” I say, “be nice or leave.” This brings a smile ... if only the world practiced it.</p> <p>During breakfast I meet a man from Belgium. I had noticed him speaking French last night, so I offer a Bonjour. He comes over to my table and we talk for a good hour. He’s a retired anthropologist, was a medical doctor in the Republic of Congo, during the change of government. He quit medicine to practice psychiatry, then quit that to become an anthropologist. He’s been to Benin, and all over Africa. </p> <p>We talk about Vodou and Hinduism, religion and spirituality. He says us men can’t really know ourselves without the mirrors of the women we’re with. (Very French Saum says later.) He learned English from American GIs after the war [World War II]. He travels all over Asia during winter, it’s too cold in Belgium. I want to be this man when I’m 70, not him exactly but retain an open mind and adventurous enough to keep traveling. We don’t stop talking until he leaves, days later.</p> <h2>I Dream of a Boat</h2> <p>Travel is in my blood, so is the water. I have this dream, a secret retirement dream. In it I sell everything and trade it in for a boat, one capable of sailing around the world.</p> <p>In this dream I leave Duluth harbor, sail the St. Laurence seaway and head out to sea. I sail to Europe, down through the Mediterranean, over to India, Australia, up through Asia, hit some south Pacific islands and head back to the USA. I dock in NOLA and reconnect with old friends. Then I sail off to Africa, maybe South America.</p> <p>It’s quite a fantasy. Would I do this? I’m crazy enough to, but would I go crazy at sea? Could I give up my land, my animals? Would my marriage survive that long in the isolation of just each other’s company? Likely, but who knows.</p> <p>It is a dream I have, but not one I’m sure I’d like to realize. In the meantime, I’ll settle for visiting as many places as I can – and making new friends along the way.</p> Urbanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06019262251107123583noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1136904882540860539.post-72781294970228651642012-01-30T13:59:00.001-06:002012-04-26T10:14:24.974-05:00The Desire to Overcome<p>“That is why you fail.” The words of Yoda are running through my head.</p> <p>In my pursuit to deal with past hurts: anger, guilt, shame, abuse (to me and by me) I struggled to overcome; beating these things, a finality of dealing with myself and mastering them (they are not me, they’re my past). In doing so I ignore who I’ve been and who I am.</p> <p>My scars, pains and hurts change me. They make me who I am today, color my reactions, change the way I think. My behaviors, conscience and subconscious have new channels set into my being, my self-definition; it makes me a different person. I attempt to eradicate them by a mental surgery of the self: covering up or eliminating my scars instead of dealing with them as part of my self identity. A recognition needs to take place. I need to acknowledge I am changed, finding a way to live with my new self identity and accepting my scars as who I’ve become. Failure and hurt will continue until I can see them as part of me.</p> <a name='more'></a> <p>There is a history of abuse, guilt and shame within me – I have been abused. There is a coinciding history of abusing, guilting and shaming from me – reciprocated like the tides of the ocean outside. In trying to purge and overcome, they escape in ugly ways. They need to be made a part of myself not hidden away, but as my identity. I can then start to understand them and who I am as a result.</p> <p>This isn’t the same thing as overcoming it or mastering it. It’s acknowledging it and accepting it. It’s seeing myself not as someone unblemished, but someone with scars. Scars that define me. In this I can finally confront my history, understanding it instead of ignoring it.</p> <p>I have a history of hiding it within myself.</p> <p>Why is it so hard to face my abuse? Why must I hide from the pain? In cloistering it, I amplify it. I give it a power that I cease to observe, but it is there hiding in the shadows. It rules me.</p> <p>I cannot master these things, I need to stop trying. I feel that in trying to overcome, I erase the history of myself. I need to see my emotional scars for what they are: a history that makes me who I am, if I am ever able to fully see myself for who I really am. Otherwise, I will continue to wear the mask that I show myself, one of perfection, calm false beauty. </p> <p>Inside me there is pain I’m avoiding. In me it festers, spreads and grows. Without looking at it, it spreads underneath my conscious self. It finds ways to come through the cracks in anger, fear and continues to rule me through my own insecurities. “Will I be hurt? Are they trying to take advantage me? Are they manipulating me?” These are the ways my insecurities get the best of me.</p> <p>Back in the daily grind, I find ways to avoid opportunities to take a good look at myself; see myself for who I am. I avoid the difficult work of trying to see these faults, fractures and fissures as a thing of beauty. We have the ability to synthesize a perfect gem, but the flawed gemstones we dig up are the ones we value as beautiful. Why must we try to show ourselves as flawless, since it is much less beautiful than the truth? </p> <p>Soon I will return to the day to day of living with its demands; ample opportunities to run and hide with a million well-practiced ways to avoid dealing with and seeing myself. Can I keep an eye on who I am? Can I learn to live with seeing my pains, guilts, fears and shames as something of who I am, instead of trying to pretend they don’t exist, or hide from them saying, “I’m ok”, or “everything’s great”? Will I learn to see suffering, a part of life according to the Buddha, as something not to be endured, but embraced defining who I am and where I’ve been? </p> <p>The future remains to be seen, the present hard to focus on at times. For right here, right now, I see my abuse as a part of myself and try to understand the effect it has on me – and become one with it. Maybe if I can make it a part of who I am, instead of burying it within myself, it will change it’s shape and ways. Or maybe I’ll just understand who I am a little bit better.</p> <p>Everyone has this in some kind of measure. Have any thought on the subject? I’d love to hear some feedback on this one. Feel free to anonymously post, or stick a name to it.</p> Urbanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06019262251107123583noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1136904882540860539.post-45046152608363706332012-01-27T06:08:00.001-06:002012-04-26T10:19:31.135-05:00The Feel of the Beach<p>The waves crash upon the shore in a constant rhythm, sounding like the thunder of a storm close to home. In it I feel the thrust and recourse of the waves as they push me toward and away from the shore.</p> <p>Afterward, that pulse continues living within my body. I feel the rolling of the waves pushing and pulling in the air around me. With the waves coming in, there is a stillness of the mind. The undertow brings forth a stream of ideas, quickly flowing out to sea, you try to grab onto them before they flow away under the waters lost forever making way for a new wave of stillness arriving in it’s wake. In this, many thoughts and images come from my own depths, only to be lost a moment later in the flow of energy.</p> <p>The night here has a different quality. Back home, in the dark, I see black splotched with bits of red and blue. Here the nighttime has a mist of white everywhere like a shroud fogging the air. That same whiteness permeates the daylight making you feel like the veils are different colored dupattas, the red, blue and black at home and here one of white. The air teasing you with floating and tugging sensations.</p> <a name='more'></a> <p>Reggae, heavy metal, trance, dance, disco and Bollywood music shuffles in the open-air café and somehow, it works. Mainly because layer after layer of stress is washing away, in some cases sandblasted. Everything seems less important. We should all live like this.</p> <p>In the past 24 hours, I’ve been visited by both the Gods of India, and the Lwa of Vodou, each time needing to come forth for completely different reasons. Much is active here.</p> <p>I feel myself floating to the surface. I gather new perspectives with the tides flowing everywhere. I feel the hand of Agwe. Swimming, breathing, floating, sitting, walking everything around is alive, the brightness following couche.</p> <p>We’ve named the geckos here, Twitchy and Upside-down Sally. We hide from the mosquitoes, who eventually own the night. The moon as a crescent chalice, Orion seems upside down – he must be an inspiration for Sally.</p> <p>How can it be photographed? How can it be described? One must travel to see and feel. One must be changed by it to truly understand.</p> Urbanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06019262251107123583noreply@blogger.com3